Monday, August 30, 2010

Mental Health Day

We all need an occasional one of those right? I took mine today. I really just couldn't bear the thought of going in today so I didn't. When I left the message for my boss my stomach literally turned at the sound of her voice. I have never hated someone so much that I've had to pretend not to.

Of course, I'm not sure that sitting in the waiting area of a Sears Auto Center is what I had in mind for my day. But I have a screw in my tire so whaddaya gonna do? And yeah, I only wish that were a euphemism.

Anyway, hooray for the upcoming holiday weekend. We'll be spending lots of time with family so that will be nice.

I had a nightmare last night. I don't have those often but when I do, they're bad. I woke up from it and noticed I had an email from 13 Messages. It was the cutest sweetest cartoon that I'd link if I weren't typing this from my phone. It made me smile and the bad dream fade. So thanks to him for a very timely message. You never know when a kind word or a kooky sexy message will make someone's day (or night) better.

And now to collect my screwless car and head to somewhere. Have a great day.

Xoxo,
Bella

Sunday, August 29, 2010

pardon me while i brain purge for a minute

Sometimes you just want to lie down and soak up the stillness. Think about things for a bit and then let your mind wander aimlessly. I'm in a contemplative mood tonight and am trying to calm my brain. I'm wondering if I've made right choices and am pondering future ones. Wondering if I've lost sight of important things. Like my dreams for instance. I used to have several but they seem to have gone the way of some obscure independent film that got a bit of screen time in the basement of an alley theater and was then retired to a dusty shelf in the storeroom. I'm also stressing to the point of near panic attack about what I'm going to do if the new job falls through as I'm barely skittering by in my current day to day one. I believe biding my time would be the correct expression to describe what I do behind my desk every day at this point.

Sidenote: it bugs the fuck out of me that I feel the need to block out the tat. Real life is so annoying.

Related to this, I'm bothered by the involuntary compulsion I have to constantly conform to what others think I should be, how they think I should feel or how I should act. It's like I'm caged in by other people's expectations and I'm weary. It drains me and I'm not sure how much more I have left in me to continue to "fake" it. And really, why should I have to? The truth is, I don't have to but its the easy, responsible thing to do. But you know what Bella? Its a fucking cop out. And that's the truth.

Another sidenote: Don't you love it when people get all dramatic and talk to themselves on their blogs?

I miss my friends. Close girlfriends in particular. But even with them I can't talk freely about many things going on in my life. And so I blog to strangers and journal to myself and do a lot of thinking. If you could walk around inside my head, you would be afraid people, very afraid. 

I am considering a sick day tomorrow. Don't tell my boss.

Sweet dreams and goodnight.

xoxo,
Bella 

Saturday, August 28, 2010

this is all so, like totally, high school. totally.

So, I mentioned a while back that I ditched Mr. Jr. High and Jake. Basically because they are douches. (Irony? Jr. High is trying to chat with me on facebook right this second). Gah. So here's the deal with those two...

Mr. Jr. High:
This one has/had a tendency to be ultra charming (not) and text or pop up on chat with "u wet?", or "yep". I mean, really. Seduction is not his strong point. Which was fine in a way because I knew where I stood and what he wanted from me. That being phone sex. And the occasional teasing invitation to fuck in real life. But it was getting old and why do I need to be treated like that anyway? I mean, phone sex can be hot but at least make me want it, make me want you. And so I told him that my phone sex days were over, see ya.

Good god, this very second the dude is trying to get me to call him. Fuck. I told him he doesn't give up very easy and he said "no ma'am, I want you. I love that voice. One last time?" I told him I wasn't in the mood, he says "whatever", I say "you might want to work on your seduction skills. just sayin'." He said "yeah, u 2". What the fuck?! Seriously that just pissed me off. But reinforces my very correct decision to kick him to the curb and hope he falls into the path of a semi. Or at least one of those bicycles messengers going really fast.

Stupid fucker. So done with that.

Jake:
This one is a bit more complex. Long story short, a few weeks ago we had a playdate and in my opinion, he stood me up and treated me like shit. In his opinion, he never got the time off work and is virtually clueless.

We'd been trying to get together for a while but schedules weren't meshing. He was finally supposed to get Friday off a few weeks ago and said he wanted to spend the whole day with me. On Thursday I text him to confirm the next day's date. He says he thought it was the next Friday. Um, no, but whatever, I'm off the next Friday as well. He says "good". I do not hear from him all that week but I assume we are on for that Friday.

So I do all the prep work a girl does before fucking a guy she really likes for the first time. You know, grooming the privates, shaving, tanning, mani/pedi, picking just the right outfit and lingerie...oh yeah, I went all out for this dude. Waste.Of.Time.

Friday comes and I hear nothing. I vow not to text or call him. I mean, why should I have to? He hasn't bothered to even say hi, how ya doing in a long time so why should I be the one having to make the first contact all the time? Sigh. I'm wondering all day if he's gonna call and I felt like that girl in high school, rejected by her crush. So I'm pissed but still don't contact him. And I don't for a couple of weeks and never hear from him.

But then I cave.

I text him "I don't know whether to be pissed at you or concerned, so I'll be both. Are you ok?". I mean, I honestly wondered if he were dead in a ditch somewhere. He does drive a really hot bike...

He said "Yep, I'm ok, just stuck at work and can't get time off."

I say "you might consider letting a girl know next time".

He says "I'm sorry".

I don't respond.

The End.

This wouldn't be as big of a deal for me if he and I hadn't once been really close friends, then lost touch but later reconnected more intimately (as much as you can on the internet anyway), and gotten to be close again. And then it went cold.

Its a complete mindfuck and I don't need it.

Which makes me question myself and wonder what is it that I'm looking for exactly. Am I looking for "just sex" with random people? Or friends with benefits? I obviously want to be respected as a woman and as a person and not treated as just a piece of ass. Although I kind of wish I could take that approach sometimes. Leave the mind and emotions out of it and fuck blindly for the simple sake of fucking. And its not like I want to be attached to a partner, but I don't want to be treated like trash either. How hard is it to say hello, how are you? I guess I just want to actually LIKE the other party and have them like me back. Which is why the Jake thing bugs me...I like that guy a lot but he seems to be on a different plane now, for whatever reason. I'm not sure what happened. Anyway, I'm writing him off as someone who used to be my friend and almost became a fuck buddy. But didn't.

Goodnight.

xoxo,
Bella

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Wearing argyle, and wearing it well

I don't remember exactly how it came about but somehow I ended up with a racy pic of C-Man in my inbox, wearing some crazy socks. Someone mentioned "argyle" and if I'm not mistaken, we disagreed on what constitutes a true argyle. I told him I'd mail him what I considered a proper pair, if he would send me some pics back of him wearing them.

He obviously did not disappoint! 


This one makes me wanna sneak up behind him and cuddle. If he'd scoot over a little bit anyway.










It looks like someone decided to wrap up...



Hmmm, I think I've got some leg restraints that could help you with that....

Monday, August 23, 2010

kudos to women braver (and smoother) than i

I meant to link this the other day when I first read it but damnit if real life is not interfering with my imaginary one. This made me laugh and cringe and squirm and say "hell no" about fifty times.

Babe Lincoln's Trip to Brazil

Sorry boys, unless you can make me cum just by looking at me, Miss Bella ain't doin' this.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

waxing poetic

Her breast is fit for pearls
But I was not a "Diver" —
Her brow is fit for thrones
But I have not a crest.
Her heart is fit for home —
I — a Sparrow — build there
Sweet of twigs and twine
My perennial nest.

- Emily Dickinson

An Award! Of Sorts

So, this is way past due..but the lovely sexy yummylicious Babe Lincoln sent this my way and I wanted to "accept" and pass it along. So thanks Babe! I'm glad I could entertain you with tales of Mr. Man and my sexy adventures of late!


The condition is to reveal ten things about myself. Now since I've already done the "100 Things About Me" deal, I'm going to try and not repeat myself but hey, I'm not really THAT interesting people. 

1. I went on a blind date with a guy named Kirby once in college. He reminded me of Eric Estrada from CHiPs (yeah yeah, I crushed on Eric) and I was smitten. We went to see a movie and he stroked my arm and leg through the entire show. I was so fucking wet. I never saw him again but I never forgot him. There's a photo of us around here somewhere. God he was hot.

2. I went on another blind date in high school. It was a disaster. He was a redneck guy who smelled like cigarette smoke. I don't remember his name but I do remember that we went to my first and final trip to the racetrack, as in drag racing. I was not a fan. And of course, THAT guy wanted to go out again. No thanks.

3. I used to want a pet orangutan. I guess I was about 13 or so. And I was as serious about it as a 13 could be. I begged my parents for one for months. I was crazy.

4. There are tentative plans to go skydiving in Vegas in October. I have never jumped out of a plane before but its on my bucket list so I'm gonna go for it dammit.

5.  My mom busted me and the neighbor boy "playing doctor" in the barn when I was a kid. I was the patient. I was mortified. She was livid. He is not a doctor, but I think is now a dancer in a gay club.

6. I want to fuck in the stairwell in the building where I work. And document it in photographs. 

7. Politics bore the hell out of me. My eyes glaze over and I get very very sleepy when that topic comes up. You might as well be reading a Jane Austin novel to me out loud. Same effect.

8. I've seen John Mayer in concert three times so far. I have this weird schoolgirl goofy crush on him and those ridiculous faces he makes when playing the guitar. Or maybe I just have a crush on his guitar and tattoos...

9. I recently deleted Bella's Twitter account for various reasons.

10. You know the girl in the Baby Bell Laughing Cow cheese commercials? I have a girl crush on her.

So there ya go. I'm passing this on to C-Man and M. Because I think its kinda cool how they've shared their side of our escapades (cue Janet Jackson puh-lease), so you get all angles. So to speak. And, I heart them a lot.

Goodnight.
xoxo,
Bella

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Bella's To Do list

Next post will be about this (way overdue). And then the one after that will be about how I was stood up by Jake this weekend and then also kicked Mr. Jr. High to the curb once and for all. I'm purging the douches y'all.

Happy Weekend! I'm off to have lunch with a friend and then do some mad house prep because this family is moving! Well, not so fast, getting the house ready to sell first. Then moving eventually. Bring.It.On!

Oh, and VEGAS baby in October with these guys!!!! We have a sitter and everything. Life rocks hard sometimes.

xoxo,
Bella

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Sunday, August 1, 2010

threesomes time

Quiet time with the computer. Ahhhhh. So nice. Let's talk about sex shall we? A couple of threesomes in particular. C-Man has recounted his version of what took place during his turn with the ladies. Here's my side...

We've had a great time with them so far, had wicked great sex with all of us in the same room, went out on the town like normal people and just hung out. It rocked. So now what? We have one night left with them before they have to fly back. And so, just like C-Man said, the elevator departure was awkward and weird. But as I've mentioned, I just never could look them in the eye and say "ok, who's fucking who next?". It was just odd. Thank god for the text message.

Back in our room and Mr. Man suggested threesomes...every man's dream right? I was definitely up for it and have always wanted to do that and here was the perfect opportunity. I should mention that it didn't occur to me that this might be against the other couple's "rules" or I never would have suggested it. Sometimes I just don't think. Mr. Man and my rules have been moving targets and we revise them as we go so for me, this was no different. It could have been a major faux pas on my part but it all worked out so no harm no foul. Or is it no blood no foul? Whatever. I texted C-Man with the MFF suggestion and the next thing I know, Mr. Man is settling in for a nap with strict orders for me and M to wake him up after we are done taking care of C-Man. I head up to their room and M and I get busy. And yeah, it was all a blur. A sweet sexy frantic smokin' hot blur.

For the record, this is the session where I go down on a woman for the first time in my life, but hopefully not the last. M's pussy is perfect. And rumor has it that I made her cum, although I couldn't tell. So go me! (I'm saving most of the girl on girl stuff for another post because that's an entire topic of its own for me.)

The logistics of who touches who and when were somewhat easier this go-round because there was one less party in the room. C-Man is much better at recounting the details than I am so be sure and read his post. What I remember most (besides my face all up in M's lady parts) was how much I thoroughly enjoyed being fucked from behind while on my knees on the bed. C-Man is a strong guy and I love being manhandled by him. He knows what he wants and where he wants it. Ohhh, and fuck, when he forced my mouth onto his cock..hard..fuckity fuck fuck. I REALLY love when he gets all Dom on me. And I really want to do more of that kind of thing with him in the future. He has the desire, the personality for it and I'm a more than willing Sub so we'll see...am I digressing? Yes I am...ok.

C-Man was so cute in his post talking about not knowing for sure when he'd see me again and so he wanted me and M to switch places so he could finish off with me. So to speak. Knowing that this man is attracted to me, wants me, wants me to pleasure him and vice versa...that is a very powerful aphrodisiac for me. (You didn't think I knew how to spell that word didya?) There's a sense of sexy power in that. I made him cum. A lot. **evil grin**

Bottom line, it was fabulous. And I felt like such a nasty slut finishing with C-Man only to get half dressed and take off down the hall with M to Mr. Man's room for his turn. I even made the comment to M as we fumbled down the hall in our post sex haze that "I feel like such a hooker". We were giggling at the hot absurdity of it all. I mean, I do have this call girl fantasy and this was as close as I've gotten to fulfilling that. Pleasuring one man and then immediately going to the next man's hotel room for more of the same with a beautiful girl by my side? Does it get any better? Wow.

And so, we enter Mr. Man's room....

And dude is asleep for real! Ha! He was taking this fantasy of being woken up by two naked girls in his bed quite seriously. So we hopped in bed with Mr. Man and made his threesome dreams come true. M was spectacular. That girl was rockin' the corset and her hooker shoes and her tits, holy fuck, her tits are amazing. I love them. Ok, focus Bella...

Since I get to be with Mr. Man whenever I want, I really wanted him and M to have the most time together. I can't even describe how hot it was to watch M on her back being pounded by Mr. Man hard and fast while she hangs on for dear life to her spike heels over her head. Yowsers. I will never get that image out of my head, nor do I want to. But no worries, there was plenty of action for me. I was certainly not ignored by either of them and I gave M's luscious breasts a LOT of attention from my tongue, lips and hands.

After an hour or so (or who knows how long, I was not exactly focused on the clock), our sexy companion leaves us to go back up to C-Man and Mr. Man and I fall into a dreamy state of WTF just happened here? And when can we do it again please?

The next morning we packed up, checked out of the hotel and met our friends for a lovely breakfast coupled with equally lovely conversation and laughter. I can't say enough how much I like this couple. Which made the ride to the airport kind of a downer for me. Remember when you were a kid and you looked forward to Christmas and Santa Claus all year long and December was the most maddening month and there was all this build up of excitement and then Christmas morning finally came and you went crazy with delight and then starting around 4:00 pm on Christmas Day the mental descent and realization that it was all over hit you and you get majorly bummed? Oh, er, um, was that just me? Anyway, it was kind of like that. I was really sad to see them go. Wondering if we'd see them again and when and hoping that everyone was leaving feeling good about everything that had happened between us all. We hugged goodbye and the casual observer would never have guessed that we were anything more than friends saying goodbye at the airport.

I'm happy to report that a trip to Vegas for the four of us is in the works before this year is out. Certain real life things have to fall into place for this to happen but we are planning on making it work! Vegas baby! Bring it.

xoxo,
Bella