less than

I stepped into some emotional shit today. I wasn't expecting it but there it was. It hit out of nowhere and I think it was a combination of comparing myself to others which never goes well, and just feeling plain "off" about some things. Anywho. No one to fix it but me.

shilly-shallying

Hi, this is me, procrastinating. I have work to do that I'm not excited about. Plus I'm extremely restless and antsy. This happens a lot, but especially after sex. Which makes sense on the one hand but is completely crazy on the other. I dunno, I'm so weird sometimes. Jazz hands. Or something.

Returning to Cash

Sleep is not a thing if you're choosing between it and good sex. That said, I'm exhausted today. As soon as I hit publish on this one, I am out.

I had a very last minute and unplanned "sleepover" with Cash last night. It had been about six months since I'd seen him. You might remember him from here and here. I wasn't at my smartest on my last visit to him so I knew that this time could not go down like that. Besides, it was that time of the month for me and I wasn't planning on dropping my panties anyway. My mouth to his cock, sure...but otherwise, not really in that mode. Now typing that just makes me laugh and shake my head. Oh Bella, will you never learn? Because sex did happen (protected sex of course because, play safe kids) as I am powerless to resist some men, of which he is one. I did resist the moonshine this time though, and only indulged in not even two glasses of Wild Turkey and Diet Coke.

As I told Frances...

I'd already sucked him at the beginning of the evening and the sex was this morning, at like 5am. We were cuddling and he started rubbing me...then he got on top and was grinding on me...and those blue eyes and that long hair and his scent...and we just kept looking at each other all sexy and not saying anything...and I lost my mind and wanted him sooooo bad....he got on top and held my legs up and just fucking pounded the shit out of me. I loooooove looking at him while he does that.

I seem to have a penchant for the repeating o.

He was more cuddly and "huggie" this time, and held my hand, which I love because I'm a girl. There was actually more conversation than sex, believe it or not, and my perception of him as a master storyteller with crazy tales to tell was left firmly intact. He's been and continues to go through a lot of hardship and has had some heart wrenching things happen to him. He's also very self-aware and I always have this feeling that he appreciates someone to just sit and listen to him. And I'm pretty good at that, if I do say so.

I've said this before but it always bears repeating. Mr. Man is so awesome for "allowing" me this freedom and I love him all the more for it. I hadn't planned to stay all night and felt badly about that, but when I came home around 6:30 he was all "Good Morning" and totally cool. I am a lucky lady. I am also a very tired lady and so, off to bed I go.

xoxo,
Bella

Meet Ethan.

I never really thought I'd be into that whole "older woman, younger man" thing but as I should know by now, never say never.

"Ethan" contacted me on OkC and we had perfectly lovely conversation for several emails. While I ignore most of the messages I get from that site, there are a few that stand out and pique my interest. Ethan's did. He asked me out for drinks and thus began my more intense questioning of him. I am always interested in hearing a man's reason for contacting a married woman. I mean, I'm not stupid, I know what this is primarily about, but I like to see how men express it, as it gives me some basic insight into their attitude and honestly, helps me gauge what my gut feeling is going to be towards them.

I was doubly interested in Ethan's answers because he's eleven years younger than I. So, what pray tell, does a handsome 20-something want with an older married mom? *wink wink* His answer was honest and intriguing and I decided to meet him for drinks with the option for whatnot later.

He was first to the restaurant and my initial impression as I approached him was "hello young and handsome". He was quite the gentleman and very unassuming, which I liked. We had a few drinks and nice conversation. As with Aaron, I could tell within a few minutes that I liked this guy (I want to call him "kid" but I feel like that's insulting as he's not THAT young), and should he want to take things further, I was fully on board.

There's always that point in the conversation where you have to finally get to the crux of the matter and see if the other person is still interested after meeting in real life. My line to find that out was, "so, what's the plan Stan?". I am brilliantly sly, aren't I? His response was something like "well, I would like to continue the evening." I had my answer. We had previously discussed the logistics of just this scenario should it get to that point and a plan was quickly devised and a hotel chosen.

I have welcomed this stage in my life where the first time with a man is no longer something to be nervous about; its less of an awkward experience and way more like a sort of anticipatory opening of a delicious erotic package. I may lack confidence in many areas, but my sexual abilities and prowess are not one of them. I don't think Ethan was disappointed and I know I certainly wasn't. He was strong and virile and I'll just be honest and say, he wore me out. I was enamored by his arms and shoulders. Broad and sturdy. Plus the armband tattoo around one bicep didn't hurt any. We went through four condoms to the best of my memory and I was delightfully sore the next day. We'd fuck, then cuddle, then fuck again. Whew, those arms....

We finally slept for a bit and then it was time for the old lady with the early morning familial duties to get back home. I knew I'd be exhausted the next day and I was not wrong. Worth it? Definitely. I hope to see him again and we are working on that. Matching up schedules is always the biggest barrier it seems. He's a sweet, sexy, charming man and will be a prize catch for some lucky lady sooner or later. Until then, I'm available to be the Mrs. Robinson to his Benjamin.

xoxo,
Bella

A list of five

1) I've been given the OK to write about the youngster. So stay tuned for that. He's such a sweet and sexy guy.
2) My mojo has been out of whack the past couple of weeks. But I still plan to give Dave a birthday bj tomorrow because I'm awesome like that.
3) I would really like to just cuddle. Spoon. Lounge around in bed and touch and kiss.
4) I had to go all Urban Dictionary and look up "hmu" after some dude on Okc gifted me with unsolicited cock measurements and told me to "hmu" him. I'm too old for the kids these days.
5) Every list should end on an odd number.

Xoxo,
Bella

i like that word, "romping"

I had quite the lovely evening with a very sweet, sexy, and handsome younger man last night. I won't recount the details right now, but perhaps soon. I mentioned the blog to him but haven't given him the link yet. and I really would prefer that he feel comfortable with me writing about our activities.

Suffice it to say that drinks were consumed, conversation was had, and then a few hours of naked romping occurred.

And now, I am tired. Sweet dreams.

xoxo,
Bella