randoms

Drag show with friends last weekend was so much fun! But I have no idea how anyone could have a BAD time at a drag show anyway. I love how sex positive and freeing it all is. 

Driving home the other day and saw the ex outside the bike shop. I don't think he saw me which is just as well. I expect we'll run into each other face to face one day sooner or later and it will be all kinds of awkward.

Cash's birthday is coming up. I have some great gift ideas to give him at our next sleepover. Wink wink. 

That's all for tonight folks. 

Xoxo, 

Bella

good girls are over rated

"See anybody could be good to you. You need a bad girl to blow your mind."

I do love and relate to that lyric...

spread the love

I loathe undies and sweatpants with words on the ass, yet here I am, with LOVE plastered across my derriere, like a boss.

Never say never.

xoxo,
Bella

dreams and regrets

Just woke up from a dream about the ex. That's twice this week. I''m guessing its because I'm going to one of "our" places on Friday night for a party and that's fucking with my brain.

Random side note: I hate the term "the ex" for him because it sounds so crass and empty.

Sometimes late at night my brain refuses to shut off and let me sleep and I just lie here and think. Tonight its him and that whole situation. Its been months now and I won't lie and say that the passing of time hasn't made things easier, because thankfully it has. But I still have regrets, for sure.

I regret how it all ended and all the bitterness and anger that mostly I caused. I made many mistakes and I can own them. I regret keeping secrets and the hurtful emails that blew it all up. I am truly sorry for all of that and if I could do it over I certainly would, and handle it entirely differently. But going back is impossible so you make peace with the present the best you can.

I regret that I ruined a great thing for Mr. Man. He connected so well with her and was so happy in that relationship. I do hope they still talk and keep in touch, I wish they would actually. She was good for him. We talk about it sometimes but always in brief, painful mentions.

I miss my friend and I regret that it ended the way it did and now there's just.....nothing. And that can be ok because I realize that we all move on and sometimes wonderful things end for necessary reasons.

Doesn't mean I don't regret the reasons.

Now to go back to sleep and dream about unicorns or something.

xoxo,
Bella

hot nights and rum cake

He asked me to dress up, so I left my house in black lace hugging every curve and stockings pulled over silky smooth legs.

I got to his place at 10:30pm and he met me at my car and pulled me into a tight hug followed by frenzied deep kisses. His hands ran under my soft cotton dress to find the lace hidden underneath. Hands flew over bodies and clothes were removed and thrown onto the concrete patio. He drew me into the closest doorway which happened to be the guesthouse bedroom. He sat in a chair by the window and I knelt between his legs, he grabbed a handful of my hair and I gave him one of the many things he'd been waiting for since I told him I was coming over that night.

It had been a few weeks and we couldn't get to the fucking part fast enough. We moved to the bed and it was hot in every meaning of the word. Sexy hot and no air conditioning in the South hot. Sweaty, steamy, slick, primal-like fucking. I'd missed him and he me.

Our initial urges sated, we followed the trail of clothes back outside and got caught up on each others regular life happenings. The rest of the night followed a similar pattern of sexual activity, cuddling, conversation, and repeating. We also finally got around to that cliche over-the-bathroom-counter-hang-onto-the-faucet-and-look-into-the-mirror-fuck. And then there was rum cake. 

A night with Cash is like a mini-vacation for my brain and body. We have great fun together and I like him a lot on all the levels. Which means it will probably end soon and I should brace myself. Haha, I'm kidding. Sort of. #cynicalbella #rumcakeisyummy

Xoxo,
Bella