Wednesday, March 31, 2010

6am WTF post

Forgive me as I conduct an early morning brain purge here. I seem to be having a mild panic attack. Perhaps due to the fact that I must get my period today or....or what...I don't know...or have a serious motherfucking breakdown, that's what. I cannot have another kid. Mentally and physically canNOT. There's also the fact that I need to get my meds refilled but I'm picking those up today, a good thing. I'm on antidepressants and I always hesitate to share that with anyone in fear they will think I'm, well, crazy. But ya know what? I don't fucking care if you think I'm crazy right now. I just want my meds and to not be pregnant. Which I'm totally not, I'm just stressing about the possibility. I mean, why else did I just eat a pound of cheddar goldfish and six handfuls of minimarshmellows? PMS right? Of course. Gah. Chill the fuck out Bella. There's also that pseudo-job interview today. Yeah, I know I said I wasn't worried about it but I lie sometimes. Deal. I need this to work out. I'm past the point of desperation and well into apathy with the current job thing. But these things go in cycles for me and what is apathy now, will soon turn back into desperation and hopelessness. I'm also severely bored with things right now. I need a change. A massive one. Have I mentioned yet that I dreamt that I hung out with Bon Jovi last night? They gave me a private concert in some random bookstore and I bought a coffee table book of Bon Jovi-ness to have them sign to bring back to a friend's wife who is happily obsessed with the band. 'Cause I'm a good friend like that. Even in my dreams baby. I have a couple of trips to look forward to so thats a positive as I love nothing more than travel. That's what I must do. Focus on the positive and take deep breaths. And put down the fucking goldfish. Brain purge over. Have a good day.
xoxo,
Bella

Update: as if by magic, all is well now with the not-being-pregnant thing. I think it was the goldfish/marshmellow combo. Carry on about your day. Peace.

5 comments:

  1. That "OMG I can't be pregnant" anxiety is the absolute worst! I swear people blame hormones, but it is that roller coaster of complete nerves to complete relief that probably makes us a bit crazy!

    Good luck on the interview!

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  2. Even though I am wayyyy past the point of wanting any more kids of my own...I think that I could still get pregnant... ohh horrors! That's it, hubs is going to get a talking to about a procedure. LOL

    I had my hand jammed into a bag of pizza goldfish the other day, and then wonder why I get heartburn. Gee.

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  3. Whoa... Bon Jovi dreams are AWESOME. (It doesn't hurt that I am a HUGE fan) (Like, HUUUUUUGE.)

    Being freaked out about being pregnant sucks, and it's happened to me twice. And each time I finally cave and pee on a freakin stick, my period starts. Sometimes, I hate being a girl.

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  4. I've been on antidepressants since 9/11- they saved my life. I'm like you. I often feel the need when I say "I suffered from depression" to quickly follow it with "But I'm not crazy."

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