Since I got all burlesque-y there for a few weeks, I had the chance to attend an event that required a little vamping it up. Ok, so looking like one of those girls who slithers all over a grand piano while huskily giving oral to a microphone wasn't a requirement for attendance, it was a great excuse to buy a new dress and fishnets. Girls, you understand me right? Right.
Now I am not really a dress wearing kind of girl. Well, I take that back, if I'm in the mood I do occasionally like to dress up and look girly, but its the discomfort of it all that kills me. I mean really, who invented pantyhose, tights, heels, strapless bras and all the itchy accoutrements of what passes as mainsteam sexy these days anyway? By the time I get all doozied up and leave the house, I'm a raging sweatball of uncomfortable squirming grumpiness. But I fake it fairly well and pretend that this all comes easily and that I'd really not rather be wearing my flannel sock monkey jammies and chenille socks (as I am wearing right now by the way, sorry for the buzzkill).
Which brings me to my disclaimer: While it does appear that I wear the dress pretty well from all outward appearances, you do NOT want to see what is going on underneath there. It is not pretty. Can we say SPANX CITY???? Spanx as in, modern day girdle to hold in all your jiggly bits and give you that sexy flushed cheek look because your head is NOT GETTING ANY OXYGEN!!! Those garments should really be outlawed. Boys, in case you haven't got the gist of what I'm sayin' here yet, looking sexy is such a pain in the ass. You should kiss our feet and give us three hour back massages for even caring. Not even kidding.
But since I endured the torture of my "intimate body shaper" and sexy-as-fuck-as-long-as-I-don't-fall-down stripper heels, I'll be damned if I'm not going to show you the end result.
These last ones (that are obviously not taken from inside my closet) were taken by 13 Messages in a very, shall I say, seductive photo shoot. He already posted a couple of his favorites but here are a few of mine appropriate for ye olde blog.
I suppose I'll be retiring what I call my "Jessica Rabbit Dress" unless another fun event comes along worthy of such an effort, but it was fun to be all snazzy for one night at least. The Spanx however, I'm burning.