Warning: this turned out to be me rambling. A lot. You have been warned.
Friday was madness in my brain. Hot sexy madness, mind you, but madness nonetheless. It was one of those yummy delicious days where I was so horny* I could NOT stand it. I couldn't stand it so much that I texted Jr. High and ended up having phone sex with him in my car in the parking garage at work. I am losing my fucking mind.
*Sidenote: I loathe the word "horny". It sounds so....so....frat boy.
There has got to be a better word for it. One that sounds less like I'm
funneling PBR and jacking off to bad porn in a shared bathroom.
Skip this next part if you already know or don't give a shit about the Mr. Jr. High back story...
I've talked about Jr. High here before but here's an overview. I've known him since junior high school (hence the nickname, genius I know), actually before if I think back. We weren't bffs or anything but still friends for years, know each others' families, blah blah blah. Bottom line, he is from WAY back in my "real life". We reconnected on Facebook, as so many of these torrid stories begin. Things got flirty on chat and next thing you know, I'm on the phone with him and we are wanking to each others' dirty talk. He's quite good at it and I will admit to not being too shabby either once I get warmed up. Anyway, I waffle between having fun with him and calling him a huge douche and never wanting to speak to him again. Shut up, I'm a woman, I am allowed to feel these things. I have some guilt about our occasional trysts via phone because he is dating the cutest girl ever (I don't know her personally, if that helps) and she just raves about him on FB. I see this and in my head I'm all like, "oh girl, if you only knew what your man says to me over the phone"... He claims he wants to fuck me for real but this cannot happen. Ever. He's too close to my real life, as I mentioned and those two worlds cannot mix in that way. It could get WAY messy. He doesn't know I'm in an open marriage, so I assume he thinks I'm being shady on my end as well. Plus, did I mention the girlfriend? Anywho, we are using each other for phone sex. The End.
Ok, wow, that was way longer of a Jr. High back story than I intended.
Oh, a couple more points...1) I hate talking on the phone in general, and more times than not, I blow him off when he wants to "talk". But, if conditions are right and I'm in the mood, I can get him off in 10.4 seconds. 2) Dammit, I really did just forget my second point...oh, now I remember. He always tells me that my voice makes him hard. And while I know that he's full of shit and would tell me whatever to get me to whisper vulgarities into the phone, I still think its cute of him to say. Which makes me wonder how much those 1-900 girls make because I could use some extra cash....
I was so hot and bothered that I texted Mr. Man and ordered him to fuck the shit out of me later that night. With specific instructions for no foreplay, no kissing, just pound me already. He complied without complaining. He's such a giver. Oh, and did I mention that it happened(s) to be my lady-time of the month and I DON'T do sex during lady-time. Except for last Friday. I would've given you a TMI warning on that one but this is a sex blog, so we are well past that by now, doncha think?
I have no idea why I just told you all of this crap. Goodnight pervs. And no, you cannot have my number.