Wednesday, August 10, 2011

helping a girl out

My friend, let's call her ViVi (vibrator virgin), texted me first thing the next morning: "Happy Hustler Day"! Meaning Hustler Hollywood of course. You know the place. Mainstream, bright, cheery, non-threatening sex store. That was our lunch hour plan, to hit up the local Hustler for some girly goodies.

My plan was not to mention the vibrator issue to ViVi again but to pick one out that I thought would be good for a first-timer and then give it to her in the car. That worked out well but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Like I mentioned before, ViVi is no prude but I was a bit surprised at her reaction in the store. We went in and were greeted pleasantly by the sales staff, as per usual. We perused the "vanilla" side of the store first, the side with the lotions and cute outfits and gag gifts. Then we hit up the sexy stuff. And the sales team pounced. And by pounced I mean a couple of things. One, that I was hit on pretty obviously by the guy checking our ids. He overly flattered me and told me how young I looked, how he loved my tattoo, how our birthdays were only a few weeks apart, blah blah blah. It was cute but a bit much. I blew it off and pushed him out of the way to get to the dildo aisle. I keed I keed. But really.

Definition of pounced #2: I'm used to this store as I am a fairly frequent customer and was a bit freaked out when I first started going in there at the bluntness of the staff. "Can I help you find a particular butt plug?", "This vibrator will hit your g-spot better than that one over there.", "This porno features squirters and look, it's 10% off today only!", etc. I have since learned to embrace their enthusiasm for their job and utilize their expertise if I need to. This freaked ViVi out a bit. She was obviously uncomfortable with the overt helpfulness and sort of hid behind a display of bondage toys while I debated the pros and cons of various clit stimulators with a very nice salesperson (not Mr. Flirty).

ViVi ended up buying some pasties, stockings, a silly Cosmo game and some ruffly panties while I purchased a nice slender bullet vibe and some shaving lotion for my nether regions. When you purchase a toy, the cashier always tests it for you to make sure it works because you can't return it. There was a new employee being trained and the experienced salesgirl walked newbie through the steps and script to test my toy. I think I made ViVi even more uncomfortable when I joked with the cute newbie salesgirl about being her "first". Heheh. What can I say? I'll flirt with a girl just as much as with a boy. I'm an equal opportunity flirter, no sex discrimination here.

On the drive back to work ViVi goes on and on about the intrusive salespeople and how weird it was to her. You know that saying "thou dost protest too much"? Yeah, like that. I expressed my opinion that its just their job, just like the salespeople in electronics stores or wherever. She wasn't buying it but finally got it out of her system and shut up about it. Just before we got out of the car to head back to work, I handed her the bullet vibe and say "this is for you". She was thrilled and says "YAY!!!!" with somewhat embarrassed enthusiasm. I think she was expecting it but wasn't going to say anything unless I brought it up first.

A couple of hours later I'm driving home and get this text from ViVi....

"OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mission accomplished.



  1. Hahaha! You are going down in her memory forever as her first. ;)

  2. I love this, it's fantastic. I took a friend in to his first sex shop a few years ago and he didn't make it past the vanilla stuff. When I came out with a purchase, he was mortified. I laughed at him for hours.