Some reading of erotica, some interracial porn, some remembering past encounters...one masturbation method for each of the three orgasms I had tonight.
And just as I typed that I got an OkC message from a 22 year old kid asking if I'm looking for a sub. Not tonight kid, I'm in the mood to be Dominated instead. I miss that so fucking much.
The box in my closet just sits there, collecting dust and waiting...collar, leash, flogger, cuffs, spreader bar, blindfolds, binding equipment, etc...all the things needed to put me into that mental space where I can float away in a fog of pleasurable pain and submission. All the things except for the big strong man to use them.
You know that look I get. The pleading eyes, the tears that come when you've slapped my face just hard enough to give me that twinge of fear in my gut that stirs me like nothing else. The breathless "yes Sir", running mascara, and fire red hand-printed ass. Pussy dripping juices down my thighs and I will do anything to please you, anything to taste you, feel you inside me. I ache for the firm grip of hands holding wrists, gripping my throat, pulling my hair, cupping the back of my head as you invade my mouth with tongue or fuck my face until I gag. A powerful man who I trust on top of me, holding me down and spreading my legs.
Most times I can push these desires to the back of my head and distract myself with regular life things, or at least with yummy, albeit vanilla sex. But when that need to be Dominated pushes it's way to the forefront of my thoughts, I can hardly stand it. No outlet except my fantasies. Its almost suffocating.
If I ever find that again, I won't let it go.