Sometimes I feel like a huge failure as a wife when it comes to that whole sexual partner thing. Like tonight for example. I'm sitting here waiting to rinse out hair color when I had thought I'd be sucking Mr. Man's cock instead.
The stage had been set. We were in good moods. Sexting had occurred between he and I, plus some friends. We'd teased each other with sexy pics of things to come. The offspring was almost in her bed. Things were about to get diiiiiiirty up in herrr.
And then, the offspring needs some diaper cream applied to a raw bum. And mommy to wipe her ass. Which I do because that's my job and I love her.
However, that two minute task was enough and I could literally feel the sexy leaving the building. That damn sexy just whooshed right out the front door and probably went over to the neighbors who don't have kids.
So I put the darling to bed, go sit on the couch next to Mr. Man and sigh heavily. The mood is lost and I recommend that he get a mistress in order to outsource the sex when things like this happen and I go from sexpot to snotpot in a split second. He laughs because he is adorable.
This wouldn't be so bad if the night before I hadn't had a lovely friend get me off and I him, via text while my hard working and exhausted husband slept. It seems horribly unfair and wrong to have the next night end with me and a box of Garnier Nutrisse #30 on my head while hubs retires to the bedroom, unsatisfied, if good natured about it. To be clear, he isn't complaining. This is just me and my self guilt here.
I realize that this is just one moment in time and that on another day I will be oozing sexuality and back to fucking with gusto. But in this moment I feel guilt. I feel lame. I feel like a woman who can't balance motherhood with being an erotic female. I kind of get those women who just give in to the mom jeans and the minivans and the old college sweatshirts. I don't want sex to become an obligation. Just another chore to complete before collapsing into bed as early as possible because you know you are going to be awakened in an hour by a four year old who needs you to hunt down her stuffed Yoda doll, or to go potty, or to rearrange her covers just so.
I sometimes wonder if having an open relationship is really worth it. I mean, if I can't balance motherhood (of only ONE child for god's sake) and the needs of my sweet patient husband, what business do I have trying to complicate that task with others? But that's a post simmering in my head for another time.
This mistress thing though....that idea has merit.