Morning company

I look down at him, running my hands the length of his body, stopping briefly at his midsection to dance my fingers in lazy circles across his belly.

"You're the most beautiful man," I say. And he is.

He's the color of the walnut armoire I admired in that one hotel room in New Orleans. I'm the shade of the lone ivory teacup we found on its top shelf.

Our fucking is...powerful...I've forgotten how virile he is. His strength makes me whimper.

We collapse onto rumpled gray sheets and tell each other good morning.

the things I do for a couple of tomatoes

Spent the night with Cash. No sleeping occurred until I got home this morning. Luckily, I have the day off to recover. Staying up all night ain't as easy as it used to be.

He gave me some tomatoes from his garden this morning, thus prompting the following conversation with my PolitelyPerving bestie...Me: "He gave me tomatoes from his garden...Bella, hoeing herself for veggies"....PP: "Is that all it takes? I need to start taking tomatoes to the clubs. Just kidding. I don't go to clubs."...

Two things I love. A good pun ("hoeing", anyone?) and sexy friends to share them with. And tomatoes...my favorite vegetable.

xoxo,
Bella

Returning to Cash

Sleep is not a thing if you're choosing between it and good sex. That said, I'm exhausted today. As soon as I hit publish on this one, I am out.

I had a very last minute and unplanned "sleepover" with Cash last night. It had been about six months since I'd seen him. You might remember him from here and here. I wasn't at my smartest on my last visit to him so I knew that this time could not go down like that. Besides, it was that time of the month for me and I wasn't planning on dropping my panties anyway. My mouth to his cock, sure...but otherwise, not really in that mode. Now typing that just makes me laugh and shake my head. Oh Bella, will you never learn? Because sex did happen (protected sex of course because, play safe kids) as I am powerless to resist some men, of which he is one. I did resist the moonshine this time though, and only indulged in not even two glasses of Wild Turkey and Diet Coke.

As I told Frances...

I'd already sucked him at the beginning of the evening and the sex was this morning, at like 5am. We were cuddling and he started rubbing me...then he got on top and was grinding on me...and those blue eyes and that long hair and his scent...and we just kept looking at each other all sexy and not saying anything...and I lost my mind and wanted him sooooo bad....he got on top and held my legs up and just fucking pounded the shit out of me. I loooooove looking at him while he does that.

I seem to have a penchant for the repeating o.

He was more cuddly and "huggie" this time, and held my hand, which I love because I'm a girl. There was actually more conversation than sex, believe it or not, and my perception of him as a master storyteller with crazy tales to tell was left firmly intact. He's been and continues to go through a lot of hardship and has had some heart wrenching things happen to him. He's also very self-aware and I always have this feeling that he appreciates someone to just sit and listen to him. And I'm pretty good at that, if I do say so.

I've said this before but it always bears repeating. Mr. Man is so awesome for "allowing" me this freedom and I love him all the more for it. I hadn't planned to stay all night and felt badly about that, but when I came home around 6:30 he was all "Good Morning" and totally cool. I am a lucky lady. I am also a very tired lady and so, off to bed I go.

xoxo,
Bella

Meet Ethan.

I never really thought I'd be into that whole "older woman, younger man" thing but as I should know by now, never say never.

"Ethan" contacted me on OkC and we had perfectly lovely conversation for several emails. While I ignore most of the messages I get from that site, there are a few that stand out and pique my interest. Ethan's did. He asked me out for drinks and thus began my more intense questioning of him. I am always interested in hearing a man's reason for contacting a married woman. I mean, I'm not stupid, I know what this is primarily about, but I like to see how men express it, as it gives me some basic insight into their attitude and honestly, helps me gauge what my gut feeling is going to be towards them.

I was doubly interested in Ethan's answers because he's eleven years younger than I. So, what pray tell, does a handsome 20-something want with an older married mom? *wink wink* His answer was honest and intriguing and I decided to meet him for drinks with the option for whatnot later.

He was first to the restaurant and my initial impression as I approached him was "hello young and handsome". He was quite the gentleman and very unassuming, which I liked. We had a few drinks and nice conversation. As with Aaron, I could tell within a few minutes that I liked this guy (I want to call him "kid" but I feel like that's insulting as he's not THAT young), and should he want to take things further, I was fully on board.

There's always that point in the conversation where you have to finally get to the crux of the matter and see if the other person is still interested after meeting in real life. My line to find that out was, "so, what's the plan Stan?". I am brilliantly sly, aren't I? His response was something like "well, I would like to continue the evening." I had my answer. We had previously discussed the logistics of just this scenario should it get to that point and a plan was quickly devised and a hotel chosen.

I have welcomed this stage in my life where the first time with a man is no longer something to be nervous about; its less of an awkward experience and way more like a sort of anticipatory opening of a delicious erotic package. I may lack confidence in many areas, but my sexual abilities and prowess are not one of them. I don't think Ethan was disappointed and I know I certainly wasn't. He was strong and virile and I'll just be honest and say, he wore me out. I was enamored by his arms and shoulders. Broad and sturdy. Plus the armband tattoo around one bicep didn't hurt any. We went through four condoms to the best of my memory and I was delightfully sore the next day. We'd fuck, then cuddle, then fuck again. Whew, those arms....

We finally slept for a bit and then it was time for the old lady with the early morning familial duties to get back home. I knew I'd be exhausted the next day and I was not wrong. Worth it? Definitely. I hope to see him again and we are working on that. Matching up schedules is always the biggest barrier it seems. He's a sweet, sexy, charming man and will be a prize catch for some lucky lady sooner or later. Until then, I'm available to be the Mrs. Robinson to his Benjamin.

xoxo,
Bella

i like that word, "romping"

I had quite the lovely evening with a very sweet, sexy, and handsome younger man last night. I won't recount the details right now, but perhaps soon. I mentioned the blog to him but haven't given him the link yet. and I really would prefer that he feel comfortable with me writing about our activities.

Suffice it to say that drinks were consumed, conversation was had, and then a few hours of naked romping occurred.

And now, I am tired. Sweet dreams.

xoxo,
Bella

delicious frustration

Found this in my drafts and figured I'd finish it up and publish it. 

I went over to Aaron's place on Wednesday during my lunch hour.  We hadn't seen each other in about a month so we had a nice chat and got caught up. We are both very busy people and when I think about it, its amazing that we're able to find the time to play as often as we do. Hooray for jobs in the city and lunch hour trysts!

I was hungry for his cock (don't look so surprised) and we soon found our way to the bedroom where clothes were immediately deemed a nuisance and shed. We have similar sexual scenarios that we hope to fulfill and talk of those fueled us.

I found myself first on top of him, his fingers inside me while I desperately thrust against his hand. And then, he was on top, teasing my wet opening with the tip of his length. A man can frustrate me in the most delicious of ways by being on top of me and inside of me, but not fucking me as hard or as fast as I want. Or even more so, by teasing me with the very tip and only entering me part way. Fuck. It makes me crazy. And desperate. Aaron did that today and it was so incredibly hot. He was in control of when to climax and being pinned beneath him, I couldn't do anything about it. He teased me, perhaps unintentionally but it served to make me beg him with my eyes. Had he been privy to rough play I would have bitten the shit out of him, but I managed to control that urge and only nip at his neck and whimper. He finally gave me what I was craving and I felt him pulsing inside of me.

I'll take that kind of frustration any day. 

xoxo,
Bella

Hard times two. A wall against my back and a man against my front.

Morning texts...

Aaron: When?
Me: Yesterday you tease. Immediately. Right fucking now.
A: Where are you?
Me: In bed. Horny as fuck.
A: Me too.
Me: Have time today? I was about to masturbate but....
A: 11:30?
Me: Perfect. I'm going to attack you.
A: Straight here..no panties. I want you soaking wet.
Me: Yes.

I assaulted him upon entering. He pushed me up against the door and serious making out and groping ensued. I do so love a wall pressed against my back and a man pressed against my front. We made our way hurriedly to the bedroom and clothes quickly met the floor. I wanted to be fucked more than anything and he obliged. I don't even remember the order of events and it doesn't matter. He fucked me. I sucked him. He shot ropes of cum into my mouth. He tasted delicious as always. I cleaned his cock and chest (don't ask me how cum got on his chest, but it did) with my tongue. I brought out my toy while he finger fucked me and licked my pussy. His mouth and tongue felt so amazing between my legs. I asked him if I could scream. Finally I did and we collapsed onto sweaty sheets. Satisfying and exhausting.

A good day overall although I felt a little "off" this afternoon and I can't pinpoint the cause. Nothing major, just a bit unsettled or restless or something. I'm confident it will pass. It always does. Its just more annoying than anything. I'm thinking I should try meditation or yoga or something mind calming.

Or just more sex.

xoxo.
Bella

intensity

Intensity: the quality or state of being intense; especially: extreme degree of strength, force, energy, or feeling. Synonyms: ardency, emotion, enthusiasm, fervency, fervidness, fervor, fire, heat, intenseness, ardor, passion, passionateness, vehemence, violence, warmth, white heat

I met Aaron for lunch last week (at least I think it was last week...time and days are running together in my mind lately) at a new-to-me Greek restaurant. The food and company were delicious of course and afterwards, I went to his house for a bit. 

When I think about the sex we had, the word "intense" keeps coming to mind. I have occasionally had some very NON intense sex but I suppose what constitutes intense for some is quite different for others. This was just....GRRRRRR. Frantic and raw and wild.

Afterwards he said something to the effect of "now THAT is how it's supposed to be". And I agree wholeheartedly. An afternoon of letting your mind and body over to wild abandon in an environment of trust, free of drama or potential conflict. The absence of those last two things allow me to free my mind so much. As sex is such a mental thing for me, this lets me enjoy it that much more. Its a first-rate cycle of goodness.

I left his place sated and ready to return to my other life.

Intense, with a side of mental freedom.

xoxo,
Bella

the good stuff

Mr. Man gives the best back rubs, which always first relax me, then turn me on, and culminate in sex. I lay on my side and he does the same behind me, facing my back and mirroring my body position with his own. After all these years together he knows just how and where to touch me to make me writhe with delight. I audibly purr my pleasure and stretch like a feline. Goosebumps happen and I involuntarily arch my back and protrude my ass into his crotch.

Thus, the signal.

I want him to part my legs and feel how wet he's made me with his light touches on my back, breasts, and bottom. He rolls me over and pulls me to the edge of the bed while he stands over me. His stiffness probes my ass and I know what he wants. He hands me my vibrator and encourages me to tease my dripping pussy with its nubs. I feel his cock slowly enter my asshole, nerve endings tingling, made even more sensitive by this most pleasurable of intrusions. I see his face framed between my calves resting on his shoulders and his hands are making imprints on my thighs, pulling me onto him and him into me. My clit is pulsing at the insistence of my toy and I find a rhythm to match his thrusts.

He climaxes into my ass and I soon find my own intense release. We collapse around each other in the same position as we began.

Goodnight all,
Bella

a day of good talks, and sex of course

Today was emotional but in a positive way. My headshrinker (as Mr. Man calls her) visits always do that to me but they are always positive sessions, if intense. I'm stressing about some work issues and it was good to talk through that with the good doctor today. As well, she knows about Mr. Man and my open marriage and I use her as a sounding board for a lot of things in regard to that. She is always helpful and never ever judgmental.

I saw Aaron for a little while today. We had delicious sex and excellent conversation. The combination of sexy, sweet, open, dirty, and freethinking works so well on him. His original intent was to talk first and then play, but I quickly convinced him to reverse those order of events. Sneaky girl, I know.

My tweets from this morning pretty much sum up my thinking on the past couple of days. I really should get paid for my awesome brain spurts like these, don't you think? And really, I don't think "gentle" is quite the correct description here either. Further research is needed to quantify the exact term. For science of course. And now Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me with Science" is my ear-worm and should be yours too. You're welcome.

On the home front, Mr. Man and I had a good talk tonight. I can't say enough about how much I appreciate the freedom and trust that he gives me and I made sure to tell him that again tonight. We have come a long way in the almost 18 years that we've been a couple. Our philosophies have evolved together and the fact that we are both at the same point right now is so important to the health of our relationship. We know that monogamy is unrealistic and confining for us and we each support each other in that philosophy. He, of course knows I'm currently seeing Dave and Aaron and even though his work won't allow him time to pursue playing for several more weeks, he is approving of what I am doing and thinks it is a very erotic and healthy thing. We have a date weekend coming up soon and I'm looking forward to quite the romantic and sexy time with him. And lest you think its all work and no play for him lately, may I inform you that he received a lady-friend's pair of panties in the mail today. Uh huh. My man is dirty!

Now I shall go to bed because my brain and body are tired. Happy, but tired.

xoxo,
Bella

meet Aaron

First, a couple of notes before I introduce you to Aaron.

• I had mentioned a few posts before regarding being unsure about the rules of Mr. Man and my relationship boundaries and I don't believe I gave any update on that situation. We had a really great talk a few weeks ago about how things were going and our expectations of each other. I came away feeling really good about that conversation and getting the clarification that I needed. We talked about many things but as far as what I want to share here, the bottom line is that we are each free to do what we want, as long as we practice safe sex and (for me especially), are physically safe and comfortable. I hate confinement and let's be honest, marriage can feel confining sometimes. So this level of freedom suits me to a T.

• Lest you think I am just running around town having sex willy-nilly, I assure you that I am not. Not that it would matter if I were, mind you. The action in an open relationship seems to be feast or famine. Right now, it's feast and I won't deny that I'm enjoying it. As it should be. Honestly though, while I don't want to limit myself, I don't know that I can handle more than a couple of regular partners outside my marriage at a time. Although I don't talk about it much here, believe it or not, I do have a life outside of sex. That said, Dave and I will be a regular thing for a while I think. And now...

Now enter, Aaron.

We "met" online and began a series of steamy, interesting and at times, intellectual conversations. I could tell this guy was different and y'all know how I like different. A coffee shop meeting was arranged and I busted in the door all breathless from the freezing temperatures and from being late, as is my modus operandi. I spotted him immediately, all handsome and charming, drinking his fancy coffee by the window. Remember when I mentioned that I couldn't find a tall guy? That streak is now broken as Aaron is much taller than I, a nice physical change from my norm.

We greeted each other with smiles and discreet sizing up (at least I did) and then I got in line to order some hot chocolate. While waiting to order, Aaron texted me from behind, "yes I am ogling". Ha. This was somewhat of an inside joke as I had made a reference to him ogling me in a scenario we had discussed previously. But anyway, the timely text made me giggle and say yay for tight sweater dresses and cute boots.

Hot chocolate obtained and Aaron and I talked about all kinds of things for a good while. I'm a sucker for a tall musician with wit and brains, so I knew within minutes that I was interested in taking things further. And when he slyly mentioned taking me on the table behind us, I knew he was as well. Its so nice when people see eye to eye on such things isn't it?

Alas, I had to get to work at some point that day so we headed to our respective vehicles and I asked if I could kiss him. I'm forward like that. Warm kisses in the middle of a freezing parking lot with the promise of more to come? Quite delicious. As was the dark chocolate bar he gifted me before we parted. Great kisser, a beard, physical height, an open mind, philosophical views that greatly match my own, musical talent, and chocolate? There was NO way he wasn't getting into my panties.

And the next day, he did just that.

We've seen each other a couple of times since then. Even had lunch together one day, fully clothed. He lives quite close to my workplace...convenient right? He reads this blog and although I have his blessing to post about our encounters, I'm never sure how much to kiss and tell when I know my partner is reading. It definitely makes me more conscious of what I write. That makes me think of an "ethics in sex blogging" post that I've been stewing about writing. But I'm getting off topic.

Aaron is drama free, extremely open minded, and sex with him is honestly, fucking great. He's more than happy to bring my toys into bed and thank god he doesn't have neighbors because, well, y'all know how loud I can be. We also share a love for um, webcams...being watched and watching others. And I have to mention, he has great hair. I know I'm a weirdo but I love this guy's hair. Thick and wavy and soft and I just really like to touch it. Another thing I like to touch is his cock. A lot. With my mouth. I can't get enough. As you can see from the photo here (edited) that Aaron took for me to show Mr. Man. Hot hot hot.

So that's Aaron. I hope to see him again as long as there is mutual interest. It's very cool to be able to have great sex with someone and not have to worry about drama, jealousy, possessiveness, or any of that shit that can make things complicated. As well, there is so much potential for fun with someone who is open to sharing, in all aspects of the word.

xoxo,
Bella

Dave, Poindexter, and faking it on a nooner

Ok, so I caved. Dave and I rescheduled because I'm quite weak, I like sex and he's really good at it, in that aggressive Alpha male kind of way. Its so interesting how different men have different natural styles of fucking. Same for women. Dave's style is confident, assertive, a bit rough, and damn bossy. And I crave those things sometimes but not always.

This encounter was to be a quickie on my lunch hour so I drove to his place and we wasted no time scattering clothing on his living room floor. He sat back on the couch and I sank to my knees in front of his hard and rather large cock. I pleasured him with a sloppy juicy blowjob for a while and then we got out some toys I'd brought. If my coworkers only knew what I carry around in my briefcase...

He commanded me to turn around, bend over, and spread my ass cheeks for him. Grrrrrrr. He has a thing for ass play, which has never been my favorite but I'm warming to it the more I experiment. He explored various parts of me with toy and fingers and then I asked to be fucked. I lay on my back and he mounted me (condom on of course). He still had my rotating dildo g-spot clit stimulator toy (let's just name it Poindexter for simplicity's sake) in his hand and decided to see what it felt like to insert Poindexter and his cock into me at the same time. Know what it felt like? DAMN GOOD that's what. He exploded inside me very soon afterwards and whew, good stuff.

We played around a bit more and while I didn't achieve you-know-what, I was satisfied and not at all disappointed. But I do have a confession...I totally faked it. I swear, I NEVER do that but dude was trying so very hard and I was in a hurry to go and I didn't want it to be a big thing. Sigh. Do not lecture me please. I'm not proud of it as I am of the mindset that I shouldn't have to fake it. Ever. A man has to be willing to get to know my body, work at it and not be afraid to accept a little help from me to witness The Event. And even with all that, his ego has to be able to take it if it just doesn't happen for me. In Dave's defense, he knows I'm not an easy cummer and would have been perfectly ok if I had just said it wasn't going to happen. So I'm not sure why I didn't just say that. I'm weird and broke one of my personal rules by faking it. It won't happen again. See, I just lectured myself so you don't have to.

All of this reminds me that I've been meaning to write a post about the mysteriousness of Bella's Big O, as it is a tricky and elusive bitch. I almost feel like men need to read a user's manual before attempting. Some assembly required and please read all instructions, etc. I shall write such a manual and post it here for reference purposes. You're welcome.

But back to Dave. He had a riding crop and wooden paddle that we tried out. On me of course because I have a spanking thing. This was after playtime and we were just being silly but I did come away with quite the red ass from our little testing session. We then dressed, chatted a bit and I made my way back to the office, sex hair and all. I plan to see him again. Yay, sex!

xoxo,
Bella

new things

Synopsis...Mr. Man is out on a date, things with New Guy (who shall be known as "Cash" from here on out) have been progressing and a meeting is in the works very soon, and my brain finally clicked over, stopped being a bitch and freed me from something that had been holding me mentally hostage for months. These are all good things y'all. And I needed some fucking good things to happen.

So, as I mentioned, Mr. Man went on a first date with a new lady friend tonight and I'm halfway waiting up for him and halfway recovering from some serious masturbation on film. I haven't talked to her but I've seen her picture and she's beautiful. Lovely even. Mr. Man has been chatting with her for a couple of weeks now and is quite smitten. Tonight is their first face to face meeting and sex was not on the table (so to speak) for tonight but you never know what may happen in the heat of the moment and he has full "permission" to do whatever, within our rules. Otherwise, the plan was dinner and the drive-in movie I believe. I helped him pick out his shirt, reminded him to have mints on hand and sent that crazy kid on his way. I'm crossing my fingers that they hit it off, and yes dear readers, you will be among the first to know.

Cash and I have been texting a lot and I'm not sure how I'm going to have my first meeting with him and NOT fuck him, to be quite honest. As I told him, I am cautiously optimistic about this. He's single at the moment, which is new for me, and I think a huge positive. He knows what I want from this and I know what he wants and they are simpatico. Friends with benefits, no strings, no drama, and goddamn it, we actually like each other a lot on a vanilla level. He contacted me on OKC and when I checked out his profile it was way different from the standard drivel, really interesting and well, he intrigued me. He's just...different, in a cool way and so far we seem to click well. Plus, he's hot and is interested in many of the same things sexually, that I am. We're hoping to meet up in the next week or two. Fingers crossed. I've already broken a few rules with this kid...I gave him this blog address, told him my real name, sent him naked pics that included my face, AND fucking came for him on video. If I ever run for public office and dude is pissed at me, I am so screwed.

In other news, I'm finally moving past some things in mah brain and that's good, although there are bittersweet mixed emotions still lingering that will always be there I suspect. My head took a lot of extra time to catch up with the reality of the situation and I am finally there and can breathe again. I know that's vague but that's how it is. Life ain't easy and thank goodness it isn't or we'd never learn anything from it. So sez I.

Oh, and lastly, I took a hot bath tonight and it was delicious. And no, Mr. Man still isn't home so stop asking.

xoxo,
Bella

What I need is...

A rebound. What a double entendre that is, eh?

I have come to the conclusion that I need a rebound/reentry (snicker) fuck to help me get off this mental hamster wheel I'm spinning in regarding our/my last relationship. No strings attached slam bam thank you ma'am now please go home and don't bug me. A good clear my head and reset my brain kind of fuck, ya know? It doesn't even have to involve any sort of BDSM, just a good ol' solid vanilla bangin'.

Its not even that I want/need to "get over" him because I'll always love him (cue cheesy music), but it's more like I need to get past him in my head. If that makes any sense.

I texted a bit with the wife of our new couple friends today but I can't decide if that's going anywhere or not. Honestly, this whole thing is just a matter of putting more effort into a search and I haven't really done that wholeheartedly yet. It's like looking for a new job. You gotta be picky because its kind of a big deal. And it takes time and effort and I'm lazy. What I need is to fuck someone I already know. Ahem. You know who you are. Wink wink. Call me.

For now, I'm off to jump Mr. Man and oh, here's a couple of new pics.

This post filed under "good god I'm such a whore". Heh.

xoxo,
Bella

Frances and Bella's Sexy Weekend; A Teaser Post

As I mentioned towards the end of this post, I have been looking forward to a weekend getaway with a new friend. That getaway happened this past weekend and...IT.WAS.SEXY.AS.FUCK.

Frances has started to recap over at her new blog so go check it out! The cropped photo that she posted here is one of my many favorites from the weekend and I swear if I could frame it and hang it up in my house, I totally would.

I will post details from my perspective very soon, but until then, I leave you with this.

More soon lovelies.

xoxo,
Bella

thwarted by buttpaste

Sometimes I feel like a huge failure as a wife when it comes to that whole sexual partner thing. Like tonight for example. I'm sitting here waiting to rinse out hair color when I had thought I'd be sucking Mr. Man's cock instead.

The stage had been set. We were in good moods. Sexting had occurred between he and I, plus some friends. We'd teased each other with sexy pics of things to come. The offspring was almost in her bed. Things were about to get diiiiiiirty up in herrr.

And then, the offspring needs some diaper cream applied to a raw bum. And mommy to wipe her ass. Which I do because that's my job and I love her.

However, that two minute task was enough and I could literally feel the sexy leaving the building. That damn sexy just whooshed right out the front door and probably went over to the neighbors who don't have kids.

So I put the darling to bed, go sit on the couch next to Mr. Man and sigh heavily. The mood is lost and I recommend that he get a mistress in order to outsource the sex when things like this happen and I go from sexpot to snotpot in a split second. He laughs because he is adorable.

This wouldn't be so bad if the night before I hadn't had a lovely friend get me off and I him, via text while my hard working and exhausted husband slept. It seems horribly unfair and wrong to have the next night end with me and a box of Garnier Nutrisse #30 on my head while hubs retires to the bedroom, unsatisfied, if good natured about it. To be clear, he isn't complaining. This is just me and my self guilt here.

I realize that this is just one moment in time and that on another day I will be oozing sexuality and back to fucking with gusto. But in this moment I feel guilt. I feel lame. I feel like a woman who can't balance motherhood with being an erotic female. I kind of get those women who just give in to the mom jeans and the minivans and the old college sweatshirts. I don't want sex to become an obligation. Just another chore to complete before collapsing into bed as early as possible because you know you are going to be awakened in an hour by a four year old who needs you to hunt down her stuffed Yoda doll, or to go potty, or to rearrange her covers just so.

I sometimes wonder if having an open relationship is really worth it. I mean, if I can't balance motherhood (of only ONE child for god's sake) and the needs of my sweet patient husband, what business do I have trying to complicate that task with others? But that's a post simmering in my head for another time.

This mistress thing though....that idea has merit.

xoxo,
Bella

Head

As in a wicked bad massive utterly debilitating headache. You perverts. It's 3:00 am. I just gave myself an orgasm in a desperate attempt to get relief. It helped for the several seconds of ecstasy, but now I'm back to wanting to chop my head off and feed it to wild dogs.

I concentrated on Jake to get off (who is apparently no longer speaking to me for reasons I am unaware of, and that makes me very very sad. Stupid boys). This encounter in particular. It stands as one of the hottest encounters in my book of record. And there was no nakedness, just groping and kissing and heavy breathing. Mmmmmmm. I think a lot of it has to do with YEARS of wanting and build up. My heart jumps and I get those elusive flutters in my tummy whenever I replay that scene over in my head. Dammit, sex with him would be epically hot. But it doesn't seem to be in the cards. Why are all the men I want outside of my marriage unavailable to me???? What is wrong with the fucking Universe??? Stupid Universe.

Back to cradling my head in my hands and curling up into the fetal position.
xoxo,
Bella

reckless

an oldie but goodie. a hot day.

I feel like doing something crazy. Sexually adventurous. Fucking hot.

I am a restless bird. In all things, not just sexually. In life. Always searching for contentment. Not even that, more like searching for something new. All the time. Its exhausting. But when it comes to fruition, it's a high that I can't get from anything else. Its why I love to travel so much. New things to stimulate all senses.

New sexual experiences are the epitome of curbing restlessness for me. And when I want that newness, I REALLY want it. Like now. Frustration comes when I don't see an outlet for it.

Mr. Man and I have had more sex lately than usual and this is a good thing. We are in a good place. We're being more affectionate, more open, more communicative. We are being kinder to each other. This seems to give me more mental room to fantasize and want even more. I'm not sure that even makes sense. Put another way, I'm not worried about where Mr. Man and I are in our relationship, I know we are in a good place. And we both want sexual newness and adventure. This realization frees my mind to think about making that happen even more.

I know I must be patient and this is not something to go about in a reckless manner. But dammit, I just want to fuck and be fucked by another. I want Mr. Man to watch me being taken by another man. To watch me with a woman. I want to see him pleasured by someone other then myself. I want him to experience the new sensations of another woman's touch, another woman's insides.

Patience Bella, patience.

in which I get all Psychology Today on your asses

We all know how important sex is to a relationship. I mean, we are a community of sex bloggers after all. I suppose its my analytical nature, but sometimes I think about the psychology of sex, the thought processes behind it, why we do what we do, think what we think, want what we want, why did this situation end negatively and this one positively, etc, etc, good gawd I make myself sick.

A question for the men. Do you equate the amount of non-sexual intimacy given to your partner equal to the amount of actual sex you feel you should be having? By "non-sexual intimacy" I mean that mushy-gushy stuff your wife/partner loves, i.e., hand-holding, hugs, saying "i love you", giving an unsolicited rub of the shoulders, cuddling on the couch, just being close.

If it is generally true that the amount of sex decreases with marriage*, does it not also follow that the amount of non-sexual intimacy also decreases? And that raises yet another question...does the amount of non-sexual intimacy decline in a long term relationship and if so, which came first, the decline in said non-sexual intimacy or the decline in the actual sex? Is there an expectation, by the man, that he should be receiving more sex the more non-sexual intimacy that he gives his partner? Does he feel "owed" something for showing his affection for his partner in non-sexual ways? Does he have an agenda of sorts, even if that is subconsciously? Does he even think about this shit or is it just me? Don't answer that.

*I'm not saying it does, but I do agree that sex does change with marriage...the sexual shift as discussed in this article.

For me personally, the more non-sexual intimacy I receive (AND give), the more sex I want, and the more favorably I view it. Another way to put this is, the closer I feel to Mr. Man, the more I want to fuck him. On the other hand, I don't feel that I owe him sex that night just because he showed me affection during the day. Its not a bank account situation where he deposits a few minutes of hand-holding with one fuck to be cashed out later. (And I'm not saying he does this, by the way.) Its more of a cumulative thing, the closer I feel to Mr. Man overall, the more sex I want to have, overall. "Overall" being the key word there, if you didn't notice.

Side note that just occurred to me...For either gender, does sex = intimacy? I think it does sometimes but not EVERY time. And maybe it does more often for the male? Slam bam thank you ma'am sex does not intimacy make, in my opinion, although there is definitely a time and place for that. Which goes along with the fact that there are different types of sex, the quickie, the romantic, etc. Sex can serve as intimacy but doesn't have to. End side note before my brain explodes.

I know this isn't a revolutionary topic and each person's perspective depends on their individual experiences, but you know what would be really cool? If a male would candidly write about this from his point of view. And a gazillion thoughtful males probably have, but I've been too busy analyzing something ad nauseam to notice.

And now, my overtaxed brain must rest. In a non-sexually intimate way. Because I just wanted to use that phrase one last time.

Har har. Peace out.
xoxo,
Bella