Friday, December 30, 2011

tears, sitters & reconnecting

I am a mess today. This week actually. I've injured my foot and am having to wear a boot and am not able to run for no telling how long. I'm missing a race on New Year's Eve that I was looking forward to very much and my half marathon training is taking a major hit. I'm afraid I'm going to lose all my progress and gain a bunch of weight that I don't need.

That's triggered a bunch of emotional shit that I am not dealing with very well.

Its no secret that I don't handle stress in a constructive manner. The post holiday funk has set in and there's some work stress and the usual mommy stress. I go through these weird cycles of confidence and this is one of my low points I guess. I like to think of myself as a strong person but the truth is that I'm not and envy those who are. I can only fake it so much until the point comes where I fall apart and cry in bed at night when I should be trying to pull myself up. God, did I mention I'm a mess? Oh yeah, first sentence.Where are my meds dammit?

Let's see...what else...oh...

This is random but the most bizarre thing happened the other day as I was standing in line to pick up my race packet for the 5K that I can't run (I'm not bitter, can you tell?). I ran into an old college boyfriend I hadn't seen in about 12 years. It was surreal. I'd always wondered what happened to him and hopefully we can stay in touch this time.

Also random, Mr. Man and I are working on finding a babysitter on a more regular basis so that we can have some couple time. That is severely lacking. We have to make it a priority and I haven't been very good at it lately. He deserves better than I've been giving him.

And with that, I'm finito.


1 comment:

  1. Crying doesn't imply that you're not strong enough. On the contrary, if your emotions are trying to tell you something, it's healthy to listen to them. Crying is therapeutic and it takes strength to allow ourselves to cry sometimes.

    Being emotionally hardened is not strength. Strength is getting hurt, getting back up, and keeping on moving forward.

    I'm sorry to hear that you can't do the 5k run. I hope your foot will heal quickly!

    It's a good idea to secure a regular babysitter. When our kids were little and we could afford it, we used to go out every week as a way to not forget that we were a pair before this other stuff happened. ;)