Thursday, October 4, 2012
on being bi-curious
I don't define myself as officially "bisexual" but definitely "bi-curious". Only because I haven't figured it out yet but would like to. Side note: I don't particularly like labels but sometimes it just makes things easier to define, and in this case, I don't find it offensive.
The possibility of myself being sexually attracted to another woman never even occurred to me until I was well into adulthood. That shouldn't surprise anyone given my conservative background. But once the option was on the table, so to speak, I knew I wanted to explore it further. I'm lucky enough to have been given that opportunity, even if just a few times (so far, wink wink). I've only had a couple of experiences (with the same woman) and the jury is still out on my sexual leanings. I WANT to like girls, I do. Watching two girls go at it in porn does turn me on, and I am drawn to certain types of women. But I question whether or not I can with certainty say yep, I like girls.
Its not often that I find myself attracted to a girl or think of a woman I meet or see in that "oh, I wonder what it would be like to kiss her" kind of way. But when I do see someone I'm drawn too, it peaks a strange kind of curiosity in me and I find myself wondering if she'd like to get naked with me as well. There's actually a girl I'm thinking of now that I see on a semi-regular basis in passing that I am drawn to and I can't help but wonder....
Maybe I haven't been with the right girl, one who pushes my buttons enough. I know that I liked making my one female lover cum, kissing her, loved performing oral sex on her, liked playing with, sucking and rubbing her tits. But something was missing. That "oooouuumph" feeling I crave. It was pleasant, yet....not what I'd expected or hoped. To be perfectly honest, it was more of an accomplishment type feeling than a turned on one. When I made her cum, I did a mental fist-pump like "yeah, I can do this ya'll, I GOT THIS"! I wanted a medal or something.
But what I really want and or hope, is to thoroughly enjoy and be into the experience and not worry about if I'm doing it right or where to put my hands, where to kiss. That stuff came more naturally than I expected.
I want my next experience with a women to be HIZZOT, thank you very much. Any takers?