Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Meeting Clark and Dara

Disclaimer: No nakedness or sexy time takes place in this post. If that is what you're looking for, don't waste your time.

This post is past due I know. But since I waited so long, now we've gone out with our new friends twice so I have more to write about! See? Wicked smaaaat am I.

Mr. Man and I have had our profiles on a swinger site for some time now. Nothing too much has come of it with the exception of meeting one person, who Mr. Man did end up hooking up with and we are actually still friends with her IRL and on Facebook. Her ex husband and I even text occasionally and have an on again, off again flirtation although we've never met in person. Anyway. Besides that little episode, we've never both been attracted to the same couples and haven't pursued much from that site.

Until now.

Meeting # 1:

We had an email from a local couple (let's call them Clark and Dara, just because) who were interested in talking and asked us out for drinks a few weeks ago. Mr. Man is the one who usually keeps up with any activity from that site so he forwarded their message to me and asked me to check out their profile to see what I thought. They looked like a normal, average couple, and I was in a bit of a reckless mood and we had a babysitter lined up anyway, so I said what the hell, lets meet them. I know you won't believe me, but I am quite shy when it comes to meeting new people with this objective in mind. I just find it to be awkward and I've been hesitant to go "all in" with this swinger site thing. But not this night apparently.

I put on a black cashmere sweater, pretty scarf, some tight jeans, and black heels. Because you know you want to know what I wore. Nothing slutty. I was going for understated sexy. We get to the bar, a new place we'd never been to before, and I text Clark to let him know we're there. They are sitting at a table nearby so we walk up. Introductions are made and we sit.

First impressions: Dara actually looks younger in real life than in her pictures. Clark looks a bit older but that's not a bad thing. They are physically fit and overall, look like your average 40-something couple, whatever that means. They are super friendly and very easy to talk to. We have drinks and talk about kids, vacations, how we met our spouses, how we got into the "lifestyle", work, our town, prior sexual experiences, the club scene, etc. Things seem to be going well and there are no awkward long silences which is a terrifying prospect for me in this type of scenario. As the drinks flow, Clark and I get a bit flirtier. He touches my arm a couple of times. Good signs right? Mr. Man and Dara are a bit more reserve, which was expected.

There's nothing all that sexy to report. This meeting was simply that, to meet and hang out for a bit. We left the bar a few hours later and exchanged "let's do this again soon"s.

I was thinking how interesting it would be to be in their car on the ride home. Mr. Man and I had a debriefing session and talked about what we thought of them and if we wanted to see them again and I'm sure they did about us as well. The verdict: we had a great time and would definitely go out with them again if they were interested.

I did have some minor reservations that seem silly now, regarding attraction. Clark is not someone I would be initially drawn to based on looks alone. Dara isn't interested in women so that wasn't an issue. I wasn't UN-attracted to him, but I wasn't aching to jump his bones either. This bothered me a little and I'm interested in how others handle this. Do you have to be wildly attracted to the other person to consider casual sexual encounters? With those thoughts in mind, I knew that I wanted to hang out with them again in a vanilla setting to see if that swayed the balance a little bit one way or the other. It did.

Meeting # 2:

Clark and I had some flirty text conversations over the next week that were quite nice and we all agreed to go out again in a couple of weeks. That was last weekend. This time we met them at a local dive bar. Dara looked smokin' hot in knee high black boots and a short snug dress. My first reaction when I saw Clark this time was "awww, he's totally adorable". That may not be the reaction most men want from a new women they are hoping to bed, but so be it.

We played several games of pool and had more drinks (thank god for alcohol, right?) and conversation. Clark stepped up the flirting level, which I found charming and Dara and Mr. Man talked quite a bit more this time as well. After the bar, we headed to a restaurant and chatted for another hour or so. The day after, Clark and I exchanged "we had a good time" texts and thus ends our adventures with Clark and Dara for now.

The reservations I had about attraction are gone. The second "date" eased my mind and I have no lingering qualms about potential naked time with him. I can't even explain it really. Just that my uncertainty about it is no longer there. He's a fun guy who makes me laugh and I find him charming and quirky and cute. Kinda like I see myself on a good day.

Who knows what will transpire with our new friends. Its been a very positive experience so far though, and I'm very happy about that.

Stay tuned.


  1. Bella,

    It has been a while since I have read your posts, so this update was nice. SM (my wife) and I gave up on the whole 'dating' thing for many of the reasons you have laid out here.

    What do you do if you 'like' them, but do not 'lust' for them?

    Dating was flirty, but still pretty vanilla. We were not particularly good at transitioning to 'sexy times' after we had talked about kids, vacations, etc.

    The more we invested in dating a couple, the more we felt 'obliged' to go to the next level with them. If we kept going on dates with them, we felt we must be attracted to them.

    Most of the couples we first dated remain good swinger friends, just not friends we swing with - we because too close of friends to make the sexual transition.

    SM and I now swing exclusively (almost) at a swingers club. We get to meet people see if we 'spark' right away and take it straight to the next level all in one night and in a sexually charged environment. We have met couples and soft swapped on the first date and then full swapped on later meetings. In other cases we met, played and parted ways.

    Just a thought and a perspective for you to think on.

    Mr. No Name

    1. Thank you for this, a very interesting comment and perspective. I'm still not sure how NOT to blur the line between developing "just" friendships vs purely sexual encounters. Do we want both? Or does that just complicate it too much? Definitely something to ponder.

  2. Nice post - it sounds like it's going great. I hope that wherever you'd like it to go.

    1. Thanks! We'll see what happens, if anything.

  3. I get a feeling you'll be seeing more of Clark...he seems like a nice guy enough. As for Mr Man and Dara: nothing going?

    1. I'm not sure. Nothing so far. And now I'm wondering what is "swinger etiquette"...who contacts who first and all that jazz. Now I remember why I hated the dating scene in my younger years! :)