Friday, February 15, 2013

On my mind

Opening a relationship can be precarious, much like playing with fire. But I suppose everything comes with its own amount of risk. I know of more than one couple who have opened their marriage and BOOM, one party falls in love with someone they played with and things are forever changed. Be careful people. Watch your back. Pay attention. And while nothing is foolproof, it would be wise to consider the risks before going down the road to openness.

I've discussed this before, but my libido is completely dead lately. As a doornail. I'm actually going to the doctor about it Monday because I suspect its partly a medication issue that can be helped. That, and a body image issue and a self image issue and just a plethora of fucking (or not fucking, as the case may be) issues that remain unnamed. I don't want to be that spouse who never thinks about sex, never sucks her man off, never initiates naked time. I hate those spouses/partners, they actually make me angry. I know for me, this has always been a cyclical thing, but enough already. This particular iteration of the cycle needs to be over immediately. My heart and brain want it, my body doesn't give a shit.

I go to meet my new friend next week. I'm a bit worried that what I mentioned above will taint the weekend but I'm hoping to pull it together by then. I do think there is also a very good chance that this visit will shock my libido into action and I'll become an unstoppable sex machine. Now wouldn't that be nice? Stay tuned for pictures and recap that I hope we will post here and on Twitter. I make no promises of course but that is my hope. Oh one more thing about that, my new friend is female. How 'bout them apples?

Mr. Man and I are going out tomorrow night (if the babysitter doesn't bail). I believe the plans are a movie and I'm also going to spring a little shopping trip on him. Bella needs new panties and maybe a new piece of lingerie or two. See people, I am TRYING here. 



  1. The heart-brain-body decoupling is decidedly inconvenient, if not downright frustrating. However it's not necessarily surprising, seeing that you're so emotionally preoccupied. You always worry about your double-life being found out. You often talk about your duality about the whole parenting-wifing-bella thing. Religion seems to be one that bothers you quit a bit too. Essentially you keep splitting yourself in half and it's obviously not making you happy. And there is no doubt in my mind that that has an impact on your ability to feel connected and whole.

    Are you still seeing a therapist? Personally I think it's time you take a stand on at least one of these issues that split you in half and show your real colors. And those people who don't like it, well they can fuck off. But you know what, chances are, all will be fine. Everybody will live.

    Just my 2 cents.

    1. Nailed it. And yes, I am going to therapy and damn if you don't sound just like her. :) "Splitting myself in half"...that is the most accurate description yet.

  2. Listen to fruit taster. he sounds like good advice. Also are you taking medication. Many anti-depressants can cause a drop in libido

    1. That Fruit Taster is a pretty smart guy.

      Yes, I do take meds and they definitely DO fuck up my libido. Working on other options.

      Thanks for stopping by.