Friday, February 1, 2013

thwarted by buttpaste

Sometimes I feel like a huge failure as a wife when it comes to that whole sexual partner thing. Like tonight for example. I'm sitting here waiting to rinse out hair color when I had thought I'd be sucking Mr. Man's cock instead.

The stage had been set. We were in good moods. Sexting had occurred between he and I, plus some friends. We'd teased each other with sexy pics of things to come. The offspring was almost in her bed. Things were about to get diiiiiiirty up in herrr.

And then, the offspring needs some diaper cream applied to a raw bum. And mommy to wipe her ass. Which I do because that's my job and I love her.

However, that two minute task was enough and I could literally feel the sexy leaving the building. That damn sexy just whooshed right out the front door and probably went over to the neighbors who don't have kids.

So I put the darling to bed, go sit on the couch next to Mr. Man and sigh heavily. The mood is lost and I recommend that he get a mistress in order to outsource the sex when things like this happen and I go from sexpot to snotpot in a split second. He laughs because he is adorable.

This wouldn't be so bad if the night before I hadn't had a lovely friend get me off and I him, via text while my hard working and exhausted husband slept. It seems horribly unfair and wrong to have the next night end with me and a box of Garnier Nutrisse #30 on my head while hubs retires to the bedroom, unsatisfied, if good natured about it. To be clear, he isn't complaining. This is just me and my self guilt here.

I realize that this is just one moment in time and that on another day I will be oozing sexuality and back to fucking with gusto. But in this moment I feel guilt. I feel lame. I feel like a woman who can't balance motherhood with being an erotic female. I kind of get those women who just give in to the mom jeans and the minivans and the old college sweatshirts. I don't want sex to become an obligation. Just another chore to complete before collapsing into bed as early as possible because you know you are going to be awakened in an hour by a four year old who needs you to hunt down her stuffed Yoda doll, or to go potty, or to rearrange her covers just so.

I sometimes wonder if having an open relationship is really worth it. I mean, if I can't balance motherhood (of only ONE child for god's sake) and the needs of my sweet patient husband, what business do I have trying to complicate that task with others? But that's a post simmering in my head for another time.

This mistress thing though....that idea has merit.



  1. This is the greatest post I've read in awhile. I love what you're saying here. We can both relate to it, but I especially find that it takes much effort to reconcile my "Daddy" side with my "non-Daddy" (i.e. my "sexy and still desirable man") side. It can be a challenge to divest myself of the trappings of parenthood - blocking out the sounds of kids' show theme songs, removing the toys from the floor, and getting myself in the right mindset, and without doing all these things sexy time cannot commence. We have had nights like the one you describe. Frequently our plans for sex are curtailed - or at least delayed - by Jill falling asleep while putting down our daughter. I could wake her, of course, but I know she needs the sleep she's getting.

    Also, how awesome is it that your daughter has a stuffed Yoda doll? Ours has the entire pantheon of stuffed Marvel Superheroes, and as far as Star Wars characters go she leans toward Darth Vader, Boba Fett, and the Stormtroopers.

    - Jack

  2. We've been there before. It's perhaps small consolation now, but trust me, as the little one gets older, it gets better.

    Every night before bed Veronica takes a shower and refers to it as 'washing off mommy'. Then she's my little slut in the bedroom :-)

  3. Balancing motherhood and the erotic is very difficult, even with your oldest is almost 17 and the youngest is sleeping through the night. We can be in good moods, like you said, setting the stage, and then D2 reminds us (tells us for the 1st time) that she has a paper due the next day, or she forgot to download a file, or upload a grade, or or or or....

    From hot to trot to hot under the collar in 2 minutes flat.