I'm coming back to a Formspring question that was emailed to me that is quite interesting & definitely worth some time posting about here.
The question was about Mr. Man & my "rules" for this open marriage thing we're attempting. I'd mentioned that we must each approve the other couple or person. The writer was curious as to how that was working for us, the criteria, method, etc. Excellent question & honestly, the answer is somewhat vague & convoluted but I'd like to write myself through it here anyway & maybe someone will find it interesting. Or something.
First, let me clarify that we are definitely newbies to all of this. Specifically, I've played with one other man & Mr. Man has been with three women besides me. We haven't had the opportunity to play with another couple or person together yet but more on that later. We've each messed around online & on the phone with others but does that really count? Eh, I dunno but its fun anyway.
And so, the rules...Damn, I'm longwinded, sorry. When we first started this we agreed that yes, we each had to approve & give the ok for either of us to play with someone else. And I guess, in general, that's worked. Sort of. There is no criteria persay, but more of an "ok, that person/couple seems like a decent & good person, I have a comfortable vibe about it" kind of thing. Scientific I know. And we have given the thumbs down to a few. Based on their history or how they treat their significant other or just a bad feeling in general.
The rules seem to change as we go along however. I don't want to get too detailed but for example, Mr. Man played with one very nice lady and I was ok with it at first but did have some doubts in the back of my mind but "approved" it. Afterwards though, I wasn't at peace with it and so Mr. Man and I talked and came to an agreement about this particular person.
Honestly, I think the key is a solid base in the current relationship & complete, open, thorough communication about EVERYTHING that is going on.
It's a work in progress & we keep discussing how we hope & want it to work. For instance, we recently discussed a change in the rules where we would only play together. Yeah right. On paper it sounded great but the next thing you know, we're meeting Girlcrush at Starbucks & I give the ok for Mr. Man to meet up with her on his day off while I was at work. So that rule lasted about 3 days. Ha.(that one just happened & I haven't posted about it for a few reasons. A whole other issue.)
I'm not sure there's a clearcut answer but we continue to discuss & experiment & take it day by day. So far so good. The future is open for whatever & we always have the option to take a break or stop altogether if we decide that's what is best. For now, we seem to be in a good place.