Wednesday, January 18, 2012

after midnight

It's after midnight (cue Eric Clapton) and I was sleeping so soundly until being woken by kiddo for her nightly cover check. I don't mind, as I know those days of her wanting mommy to carry her back to bed and tuck her in again are numbered.

Now that I'm up I've been reading a few of your blogs and wishing some of you were awake to talk to. Not about anything specific but sometimes I think a late night chat with a like-minded friend might settle my psyche. My brain is a very active place. I have so many partially completed thoughts, dreams and fantasies swirling about in my head and they seem to come the most alive in that not quite alert fogginess between sleep sessions.

I know I've written about this many times before but tonight, I was struck by how my computer's desktop reflects the dichotomy of my life. At one point earlier this evening I had four different internet tabs open at the same time. One was my vanilla blog, one was an email to my mother, one was Bella's dashboard and the last was one of my fellow blogger's sexy posts. I just looked at the tabs and shook my head at the bizarreness of me. I'm sure it's the same for many of you, this contradiction in personas. Its just....weird, a bit unsettling, and sometimes I can't quite wrap my head around it.

Sweet dreams to you.


  1. I know how you feel. My iPhone is beside the bed at night and I usually check a few sites in the middle of the night. I am making an effort to not check on the ls sites this week. It's like twitter and our ls fb page, I would much rather talk to those people than the vanilla ones.

  2. Bella,

    We must be in sync today, I just finished posting about the multiple lives we all live. I normally enjoy it. In my vanilla life, I often think "if they only knew." In my swinger life, I often think "do they know that they will be tomorrows blog post?" IN my blogger life, I often wonder if anyone I know is following me.

    Lately, it is all becoming a bit much. I cannot let the walls between the 3 come down, but it feels like it is occupying a disproportionate amount of my time and energy.

    Mr. No Name

  3. I relate to that. I've been writing a lot more lately as though I have things to figure out. Doing it on my own in writing is one way to do it, but I do hope one day to have more opportunities to do this in real life with other like-minded people.

    Dichotomy, personas, there is something here that I have to think about some more…

    Oh and uh, there is that very sexy photo of you there next to those thoughful thoughts. Almost didn't notice them. ;)