My Open Relationship in the Time of COVID

This post could have been written months ago, but it's something that's impacted me and that I'm just now writing down. 

I don't have many good things to say about the state of the world, the U.S. in particular, right now. We're living in the upside down, watching a raging dumpster fire--a shit storm of corruption, racism, threats to women's rights, environmental and economic crisis. Oh, and that little pandemic thing. And that's just the short list. 

COVID has fucked up a lot of things, I daresay most things. Sex though... that pleasure ought to still provide us with a lovely escape from the outside world. Right? Right?!?!?!? Yes, but it looks different now, at least different for those who take COVID seriously. 

These bizarre times have made many of us in the open/poly* community take a good long look at how we're engaging in extracurricular activities and reassessing the risks and what our sex lives must look like now for our safety and the safety of our partners. I'm seeing kinky Twitter friends bemoaning the lack of sex lately and wondering when conditions will allow them to return to multiple partners as usual. It feels confining. Restrictive. As if some folks didn't have enough restrictions in their lives before becoming open, now it feels like they're back inside a different sort of locked box with taunting memories of the free love, open sex lives they used to lead. 

It's changed for me, too. Pre-COVID, I had 3-5 partners I'd see on occasion. I've never been much of a one-night-stand, swinger party kind of girl. I consider my partners as friends (some closer than others of course) who I can hang out with, have great conversations with, AND have NSA sex with. I was already operating in a sort of safety bubble that felt good and right for me. When COVID became a thing, even this relative safe space didn't feel good or right anymore. Mr. Man and I take the pandemic very seriously. We mask, pulled our kid out of extracurricular activities and into distance learning, I moved to remote work only, etc. We are not playing with this thing. I/we had to consider how our open status impacted the safety of our family. 

Of my handful of partners, Joe was one who took COVID as seriously as I did, and he just happened to be the one I saw most often anyway. We had many conversations about the pandemic, the easy, drama-freeness of our thing, and what made us feel safe and what didn't. I trust his decision making and for now, he's the only one I'm seeing outside of my marriage. We've ramped up how often we hang out and it's been pretty much an every weekend thing lately. It's working out great so far, and while I try to only speak for myself in this space, I think it's safe to say that he's pretty keen on it as well. So far, I don't feel restricted--I feel safe and good about making what I consider to be a smart choice about my sex life.

How long will this last? Who the fuck knows. Nobody knows anything anymore, do they? I made a comment to Joe last weekend about wondering what my non monogamous life will look like after COVID. But really, what will anything look like after COVID? We're all trying to make the best of a shitty situation. I'd like to think that in the coming months things might look a bit closer to what they were before. But for now, I'm going to don my mask and run to the liquor store in preparation for a sleepover with Joe. My upside down looks pretty good right now, considering.

*I have never settled on a label that feels right for my particular situation. I guess "open" is as close as it gets. Or just simply "non monogamous." I'm not really poly. Definitely not a swinger. I'm just a married woman who loves sex with a few extra partners.

Photo by Crawford Jolly on Unsplash

Morning company

I look down at him, running my hands the length of his body, stopping briefly at his midsection to dance my fingers in lazy circles across his belly.

"You're the most beautiful man," I say. And he is.

He's the color of the walnut armoire I admired in that one hotel room in New Orleans. I'm the shade of the lone ivory teacup we found on its top shelf.

Our fucking is...powerful...I've forgotten how virile he is. His strength makes me whimper.

We collapse onto rumpled gray sheets and tell each other good morning.

Thursday night possessions

Cash's hand on my leg after messy and frantic lovemaking is especially special tonight. I'd brought him dinner and we ate and talked in his shop before going up the stairs and collapsing into bed. He's tired and not feeling well but our playtime is a momentary escape and afterward the cuddling and laughing resume. He sings to me.

His hands had been everywhere on my body just moments before I took this photo. Hands on my ass, giving me proper spankings; the kind that make me first gasp, then cry out, writhe, and turn bright red. Hands around my neck squeezing just enough yet not too much. Hands in my hair forcing my head back and then forward to pull my mouth onto his hardness, taking in all of him. Hands slapping my face, owning me. Hands grasping my breasts and fingers pulling at my nipples while I lay back and use my favorite toy.

I let him film me while I worked his thickness with my lips and tongue, then at his request placed his cock between my breasts, and then back again to my mouth. Knowing he'll use that video later when he's in bed alone turns me on immensely.

His hand on my leg though. That's my favorite part.

xoxo,
Bella

stirrings

...I need a night with you...cuddled up with me right now...I want to kiss and touch you all over...

  He definitely stirs me.

when sex turns serious

I went to Cash's house a few nights ago. He had to work a bit but I hung out and met a sweet friend of his and watched him do his thing. Sexy in and of itself. Then he built a fire in the fireplace and the three of us hung out in the coziness and drank, talked, and Cash played the guitar and sang. Swoon. He finally went to grab a shower and I hung out with the friend and chatted for a while. It was lovely.

Finally, friend left and Cash and I adjourned upstairs to the bedroom.

You know what? This post isn't about the sex that was most certainly had. This really isn't a sexy post at all and it's very badly written if I'm honest. My apologies for that.

Things turned serious and we talked. Or rather, I let him talk. All I could do was be there for him while he let some very emotional things out. I felt helpless and heart broken. But glad that he feels comfortable enough with me to say those things and express those feelings. I do fear that he'll shut me out at some point and I do not want that at all. Life can be so shitty sometimes.

In lighter news, Cash's bff hit on me on OKC the other day without knowing who I was and that I know Cash and have a thing.  I let him go on for a bit before I informed him that I knew who he was and that I occasionally fuck his bestie. It was pretty funny. He was a good sport and we actually text a bit now and did the whole Facebook friend thing. He's a cool dude.

That is all.
xoxo,
Bella

that suitcase ain't gonna pack itself

I'm heading to spend the next few days with Frances and Bruno! Super excited to see my sweet sexy friends and drink, lounge around naked, maybe do some shopping, and just generally turn in my adult card for a few days.

Currently, I'm procrastinating on packing by telling you this.