Tuesday, September 16, 2014

dreams and regrets

Just woke up from a dream about the ex. That's twice this week. I''m guessing its because I'm going to one of "our" places on Friday night for a party and that's fucking with my brain.

Random side note: I hate the term "the ex" for him because it sounds so crass and empty.

Sometimes late at night my brain refuses to shut off and let me sleep and I just lie here and think. Tonight its him and that whole situation. Its been months now and I won't lie and say that the passing of time hasn't made things easier, because thankfully it has. But I still have regrets, for sure.

I regret how it all ended and all the bitterness and anger that mostly I caused. I made many mistakes and I can own them. I regret keeping secrets and the hurtful emails that blew it all up. I am truly sorry for all of that and if I could do it over I certainly would, and handle it entirely differently. But going back is impossible so you make peace with the present the best you can.

I regret that I ruined a great thing for Mr. Man. He connected so well with her and was so happy in that relationship. I do hope they still talk and keep in touch, I wish they would actually. She was good for him. We talk about it sometimes but always in brief, painful mentions.

I miss my friend and I regret that it ended the way it did and now there's just.....nothing. And that can be ok because I realize that we all move on and sometimes wonderful things end for necessary reasons.

Doesn't mean I don't regret the reasons.

Now to go back to sleep and dream about unicorns or something.


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