my ass and some words

Dammit, I hate it when I think of good stuff to post here and as soon as I sit in front of the computer its whoosh, bye bye brain, and I can't remember any of it.

Mr. Man and I have several nights out planned over the next few weeks. And by "planned" I mean that we have lined up a babysitter but have no idea what we're going to do yet. We keep asking each other, "so, what are we gonna do on our date nights?" Only to answer, "I dunno." Ha. We are so decisive. Regardless, it will be nice to go out and act like semi-cool adults and not like tired middle-aged (are the 30s considered middle-aged?) people with a kid. And somebody please bitch slap me if we end up at Target buying princess pull-ups or Disney movies.

You know what was super nice this week? Meeting a friend of a friend and being able to talk about kink with another female. That's something I don't get to do often. Its nice to relate to someone face to face who you find attractive, fabulous, and open. There should be more people like that in my life. 

For the record, the Bella-Meter score is an 8.5 today. Mr. Buzzy (aka, my rabbit vibe) and I had intimate relations earlier. Also, here's a picture of my ass.

bullet style

• I'm glad I didn't delete this blog. I came so close to doing just that. But as a friend told me today, I will be glad that its here as an outlet for me, even if I take breaks from it sometimes. 
• Its been a melancholy day and I've been tearful for much of it. 
• I got the greatest text today. I want to frame it and keep it for always. It said, "Somewhere in an alternate universe, you and I are fucking the shit out of each other right now. In Paris." Romantic? Not so much. Perfect words for me at the perfect time? Most definitely.
• I've spent some time tonight perusing your lovely sexy dirrrrrrty blogs and wow, there is so much I want to read! Who has the time?!?!
• I miss Mr. Man. I want him to come in here right now and hug me and hold me and tell me he loves me and isn't mad at me. I want to feel connected to him again. Ugh. Sometimes real life sucks. 

Things seem to be changing somehow. I think for the better but then again, I'm never certain.

Mr. Man and I are in a good, dare I say great, place. Our sex has been frequent and a bit spicier lately. I did discuss him fucking me on his desk at work, right? But did I mention the blow job I gave him in the park last week? We've also been discussing our lifestyle choices and agree that if we want to continue exploring this, that all we have to do is make more of an effort. We've updated photos and our profile on a swinger site and have been more openly talking about such things lately. I'm not sure if anything tangible will progress in that regard but its nice to think and talk about with him. It makes me feel closer to him and that's something I had been missing.

Outside of those aspects, things are not so spicy. And that is ok right now. C-Man and I aren't exactly simpatico lately and I'm not sure where that relationship is going. We grew very close and his friendship means a lot to me. But things have become muddled somehow. Its a complicated thing he and I have created, perhaps to our detriment. We each want different things and neither of us are willing, nor should we have to, compromise on these things for the other one. I value what we had together and am fortunate to have found someone I trusted to explore a bit of BDSM. If we end things, I will miss that and am not sure where or if I'll be able to find it again. But I am asking myself if the value of that is worth the strain caused by other issues. 

I'm fortunate to be able to hang out with 13 Messages a lot lately. We seem to have found a schedule that works nicely and have enjoyed some late movies and a few beers in recent weeks. While its not in the cards for us to play together these days, I very much enjoy discussing life and sexy things with him. However, I must add that it is only via a massive amount of willpower and respect for boundaries that keeps me from straddling him in a dark movie theater.

You may now consider yourself updated on all things sexy in the life of Bella.

xoxo,
Bella

never used a vibrator? doubletake

I was having some girl talk with a friend today and we were talking about sex, of course. She was telling me about some sexual issues her and her guy are having and that they had had pathetic two minute unsatisfactory (for her anyway) sex last night. I had jokingly mentioned to her earlier in the week that she ought to get a vibrator (never dreaming that she didn't already have one) and she'd changed the subject. But during this conversation she blurted out "I've never used a vibrator before" and then she continued to blather on with the story she was telling. My brain however, was trying to process her statement. She seemed a bit embarrassed about it and stammered something about reading the PostSecret about the chick who didn't want to use a vibrator because she was afraid it would ruin "real sex" for her. Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh-lease!

I was a very late bloomer sexually but now I think I'm pretty much caught up, haha. This girl is in her late 20s and is in no way a prude. She's what I would consider pretty sexually free and has had more partners within the year and a half that I've known her than I have my entire life. So for her to never have used a vibe before blew my mind. Although I guess maybe she never needed to use one, always having a real penis available. But I can't imagine not having the option to get off whenever I wanted with my toy, regardless of if my man is around or not. It makes me wonder if she's ever masturbated with just her hands...I'm kind of guessing not. Actually, as I am typing this I remember a few months ago when she and I had gone to our local sex store and she had declined to go over to the side of the store where they sell the porn and toys. Hmmmm, there's a clue.

My response to her unintentional confession? "Girl, I am buying you a vibrator tomorrow. Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to you missy and you can thank me later". I told her that the toy can be an addition to sex with her man, not a replacement for him. Then I gave her my own confession, namely that I can't climax with penetration alone so a vibe during sex is perfect for me! Poor girl is probably scarred for life now with my TMI.

And so tomorrow I will do a good deed for my friend who has been missing out all these years! I'm thinking a Rabbit or a nubby bullet would be a good choice for a first timer....

xoxo,
Bella