Life can feel so out of control. And that's when I crave to BE controlled the most. I'm fortunate to have found a partner who has been able and willing to give me some amazing submissive experiences lately, but real life logistics and events have precluded a very consistent outlet for this and will continue to do so. In the grand scheme of things, it's not important I suppose. But it is a strong want, dare I say a sexual need for me.
As alluded to, things have been crazy lately. I just returned from a much needed escape to visit Frances. It was lovely, as time with her always is. We did fun sexy things, and fun touristy things. She is an excellent hostess and I would have stayed another week if it had been possible.
I know I still haven't written about Mr. Man and my foray into a poly-esque relationship with new friends and I'm not sure how to go about that really, as it's been a roller-coaster of emotions and events. It has been a huge part of our lives these past few months and a continuous learning experience for all of us. I'd like to sort it all out in my head to relay some of it here. Soon, I hope.
Sometimes I truly feel like I'm falling apart. Today depression and panic hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks and I felt like I was losing my way. Which is much easier to do when you aren't sure what your "way" even is. I feel like I'm floating between lives yet not fully grounded in any. I fight against the often overwhelming urge to flee. So far I haven't, obviously, but I wonder if one day I will just snap and take off for Buenos Aires or at least across town.
Hey Bella, stop being such a fucking downer.