A few months can feel like an eternity and sex plus love can be madness.
Mr. Man and I dipped our toes into the poly waters and it has ended badly. I won't recount it here as its too complicated, personal, and I don't have the stomach for it. Suffice it to say that things have been rocky. People fell in love and acted out of character. Serious health issues came to the forefront. Trust was broken.
The situation was never ideal and continued to worsen as time went on and yet, no one opted out until things truly blew up and were unable to be patched back together. The good outweighed the bad until it just couldn't anymore.
I'm struggling with some serious wanderlust and questioning things that I always thought were certain. Mr. Man and I are putting the breaks on our open relationship. Permanently? I have my doubts, but that's not a question that I have to know the answer to right now. For the moment, we try to pick up the pieces and stumble along.
xoxo,
Bella
Friday, June 28, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
brain turbulence
Life can feel so out of control. And that's when I crave to BE controlled the most. I'm fortunate to have found a partner who has been able and willing to give me some amazing submissive experiences lately, but real life logistics and events have precluded a very consistent outlet for this and will continue to do so. In the grand scheme of things, it's not important I suppose. But it is a strong want, dare I say a sexual need for me.
As alluded to, things have been crazy lately. I just returned from a much needed escape to visit Frances. It was lovely, as time with her always is. We did fun sexy things, and fun touristy things. She is an excellent hostess and I would have stayed another week if it had been possible.
I know I still haven't written about Mr. Man and my foray into a poly-esque relationship with new friends and I'm not sure how to go about that really, as it's been a roller-coaster of emotions and events. It has been a huge part of our lives these past few months and a continuous learning experience for all of us. I'd like to sort it all out in my head to relay some of it here. Soon, I hope.
Sometimes I truly feel like I'm falling apart. Today depression and panic hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks and I felt like I was losing my way. Which is much easier to do when you aren't sure what your "way" even is. I feel like I'm floating between lives yet not fully grounded in any. I fight against the often overwhelming urge to flee. So far I haven't, obviously, but I wonder if one day I will just snap and take off for Buenos Aires or at least across town.
Hey Bella, stop being such a fucking downer.
xoxo,
Bella
As alluded to, things have been crazy lately. I just returned from a much needed escape to visit Frances. It was lovely, as time with her always is. We did fun sexy things, and fun touristy things. She is an excellent hostess and I would have stayed another week if it had been possible.
I know I still haven't written about Mr. Man and my foray into a poly-esque relationship with new friends and I'm not sure how to go about that really, as it's been a roller-coaster of emotions and events. It has been a huge part of our lives these past few months and a continuous learning experience for all of us. I'd like to sort it all out in my head to relay some of it here. Soon, I hope.
Sometimes I truly feel like I'm falling apart. Today depression and panic hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks and I felt like I was losing my way. Which is much easier to do when you aren't sure what your "way" even is. I feel like I'm floating between lives yet not fully grounded in any. I fight against the often overwhelming urge to flee. So far I haven't, obviously, but I wonder if one day I will just snap and take off for Buenos Aires or at least across town.
Hey Bella, stop being such a fucking downer.
xoxo,
Bella
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)